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Vol 43 Issue 42

Oct. 19, 1931

Recently Opened Empire State Building 'Giant-Ape Proof,' Say Architects
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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  • Sports Drink Company Putting First Advertisement On Moon

    Japanese pharmaceutical company Otsuka has announced plans to put their sports drink Pocari Sweat on the moon in a specially equipped container bearing their logo, which, if successful, would be the first time a commercial product has been flown to the mo...

Your Horoscope

  • Aries

    Aries

    The sight of well-manicured lawns, new and colorful homes, and friendly pedestrians can only mean one thing: You've wandered onto the wrong side of the tracks.
  • Taurus

    Taurus

    Police officials will manage to talk you down from the ledge of an overpass this week. Sadly, they'll do so by screaming for you to jump.
  • Gemini

    Gemini

    After 12 years and eight children you'll finally succeed in sleeping your way to the top of the welfare recipient list this week.
  • Cancer

    Cancer

    Fears of being exposed as a fraud will be realized this week when you're revealed to lack the fluid color, strong lines, and playful style of Matisse's trademark works.
  • Leo

    Leo

    Set your inner child free this week! A bottle of disinfectant, a pair of grasping tongs, and an ordinary wire hanger are all you need!
  • Virgo

    Virgo

    Pride will be yours this week when you're awarded the Nobel Prize for Sitting Around the House and Waiting Desperately for the Phone To Ring.
  • Libra

    Libra

    Many will attack you for taking the easy way out, but then they won't know how hard it was to find an extension cord long enough to reach the bathtub.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio

    Attempts to run away from the problem will fail this week when the problem turns out to be a short-circuited treadmill.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius

    While you've long thought of yourself as your own harshest critic, the weekly columns of Gene Shalit will soon prove you wrong.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn

    The stars were going to predict the beginning of a lifelong romance for you this week, but they couldn't get through it without bursting into laughter.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius

    Contrary to popular belief, a second set of footprints will soon reveal that that was when Jesus ran off to play beach volleyball.
  • Pisces

    Pisces

    There's nothing you can do to put an end to the suffering this week.
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