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What The Planet Will Look Like In 2100

As scientists try to project the effects of climate change into the future, many of these forecasts only go as far as 2100, a year beyond which the alterations to our environment become much harder to predict. Here is a breakdown of what we can expect our world to look like in 2100

Your Horoscopes – Week of May 1, 2012

ARIES: You will experience unbounded happiness and success in every area of your life this week, unless of course there is something fundamentally and irreversibly wrong with you.

Boss Able To Seamlessly Blend Constructive Criticism With Personal Attacks

SAN JOSE, CA—Marveling at the ease and deftness with which he communicates the two messages simultaneously, employees at local advertising firm Wavelength Solutions told reporters Tuesday that their supervisor Eric Crowell has a unique ability to seamlessly blend constructive criticism with cutting personal attacks.

Roger Federer Stunned By Sheer Amount Of Trash On U.S. Open Courts

NEW YORK—Surveying the piles of wrappers, old newspapers, and empty bottles scattered around the playing surface during his pre-match warmups, world No. 2–ranked tennis player Roger Federer expressed utter disbelief Monday over the sheer amount of trash on the U.S. Open courts.

God Wondering How Far He Could Throw Earth

THE HEAVENS—His gaze shifting from the terrestrial planet out to the expanse of the universe and then back, The Lord Almighty, Our Heavenly Father, reportedly wondered aloud Tuesday just how far He could throw the Earth.
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Your Horoscope

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    The sight of well-manicured lawns, new and colorful homes, and friendly pedestrians can only mean one thing: You've wandered onto the wrong side of the tracks.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    Police officials will manage to talk you down from the ledge of an overpass this week. Sadly, they'll do so by screaming for you to jump.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    After 12 years and eight children you'll finally succeed in sleeping your way to the top of the welfare recipient list this week.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    Fears of being exposed as a fraud will be realized this week when you're revealed to lack the fluid color, strong lines, and playful style of Matisse's trademark works.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    Set your inner child free this week! A bottle of disinfectant, a pair of grasping tongs, and an ordinary wire hanger are all you need!
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    Pride will be yours this week when you're awarded the Nobel Prize for Sitting Around the House and Waiting Desperately for the Phone To Ring.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    Many will attack you for taking the easy way out, but then they won't know how hard it was to find an extension cord long enough to reach the bathtub.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    Attempts to run away from the problem will fail this week when the problem turns out to be a short-circuited treadmill.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    While you've long thought of yourself as your own harshest critic, the weekly columns of Gene Shalit will soon prove you wrong.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    The stars were going to predict the beginning of a lifelong romance for you this week, but they couldn't get through it without bursting into laughter.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    Contrary to popular belief, a second set of footprints will soon reveal that that was when Jesus ran off to play beach volleyball.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    There's nothing you can do to put an end to the suffering this week.