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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Your Horoscope

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    While the news is certainly sad, take heart in knowing that your mother is in a better place now, even if it is a cramped wooden coffin six feet underground.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    You'll finally find Mr. Right this week, moments after he leaves a pregnant Mrs. Right to be with you.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    Despite the best of intentions, a sex addiction intervention will quickly and repeatedly backfire this Thursday.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    Several dozen blemishes on your permanent record will prevent you from getting into the maximum security prison of your choice next week.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    All of your questions concerning spontaneous combustion will suddenly be answered this Friday.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    You'll realize how much your drinking has affected your personal relationships this week, after friends admit they hate the person you become when sober.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    While initially insulted, you'll soon realize that being called an "unfit mother" has little to do with what shape you're in.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    You will be reduced to a mere statistic as soon as someone starts keeping track of how many Americans are deservedly paralyzed in motorcycle accidents each year.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    Spice up your marriage! When role-playing with your wife, pretend you're her emotionally distant, affection-withholding father!
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    A firm handshake can tell you a lot about a person, especially if that person has a hook for a hand.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    If you want your fortune so bad, maybe you should consult those tea leaves again—the way you did last week. You didn't think the stars knew about that, did you?
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    You will finally stop referring to the Midwest as the "flyover states" during a tragic plane ride from New York to Los Angeles.