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‘SportsCenter’ Co-Anchors Clearly Dating

BRISTOL, CT—Saying that the pair could barely take their eyes off one another throughout the hour-long sports news program, ESPN viewers told reporters Friday that it is increasingly clear SportsCenter anchors John Anderson and Matt Barrie are currently dating.

Terrifying Uniformed Bachelorette Party Storms Local Bar

TACOMA, WA—Bursting into the establishment seemingly out of nowhere and overtaking it within a matter of moments, a terrifying uniformed bachelorette party stormed local pub Casey’s Saloon Friday night, onlookers reported.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Your Horoscope

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    Turn that frown upside down! A dislocated collarbone should make the process easier than you may think.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    You will soon realize that there's nothing more beautiful than watching the morning sunrise—except for, of course, being able to sleep at night.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    It's not the size of the ship, but rather the motion of the ocean that will cause your girlfriend to get sick during intercourse.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    While usually reserved, you'll wear your heart on your sleeve, your shirt collar, and most of your pants after a harrowing clock-tower shooting this Thursday.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    Avoid a potentially embarrassing situation this week by explaining to your daughter that sometimes mommies and daddies also enjoy playing dress-up.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    Sure, it may be hard to stay optimistic, but remember: It's called pancreatic cancer, not pancreatic can't-cer!
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    Just when you think things can't get any worse, the crying infant three seats down will survive the plane crash.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    Don't let the love of your life pass you by. Stop the hors d'oeuvres waiter carrying some of those delicious pigs in a blanket.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    Problems at home will require your full attention this week. Be sure to first mute the television set before asking your partner why she's crying.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    The stars would love to predict your future this week, but it's hard to tell what's going on with all that blood in the way.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    Your marathon run will soon be regarded as a true testament to the futility of the human spirit.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    What may at first appear to be an insurmountable obstacle will in time be seen for what it really is: an impenetrable barrier.
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