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Vol 43 Issue 46

Bishops Urge Iraq Withdrawal

U.S. Catholic bishops described the situation in Iraq as "unacceptable" and urged the withdrawal of troops as quickly as possible. What do you...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Your Horoscope

  • Aries

    Aries

    Turn that frown upside down! A dislocated collarbone should make the process easier than you may think.
  • Taurus

    Taurus

    You will soon realize that there's nothing more beautiful than watching the morning sunrise—except for, of course, being able to sleep at night.
  • Gemini

    Gemini

    It's not the size of the ship, but rather the motion of the ocean that will cause your girlfriend to get sick during intercourse.
  • Cancer

    Cancer

    While usually reserved, you'll wear your heart on your sleeve, your shirt collar, and most of your pants after a harrowing clock-tower shooting this Thursday.
  • Leo

    Leo

    Avoid a potentially embarrassing situation this week by explaining to your daughter that sometimes mommies and daddies also enjoy playing dress-up.
  • Virgo

    Virgo

    Sure, it may be hard to stay optimistic, but remember: It's called pancreatic cancer, not pancreatic can't-cer!
  • Libra

    Libra

    Just when you think things can't get any worse, the crying infant three seats down will survive the plane crash.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio

    Don't let the love of your life pass you by. Stop the hors d'oeuvres waiter carrying some of those delicious pigs in a blanket.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius

    Problems at home will require your full attention this week. Be sure to first mute the television set before asking your partner why she's crying.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn

    The stars would love to predict your future this week, but it's hard to tell what's going on with all that blood in the way.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius

    Your marathon run will soon be regarded as a true testament to the futility of the human spirit.
  • Pisces

    Pisces

    What may at first appear to be an insurmountable obstacle will in time be seen for what it really is: an impenetrable barrier.
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