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Vol 44 Issue 03

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TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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  • Sports Drink Company Putting First Advertisement On Moon

    Japanese pharmaceutical company Otsuka has announced plans to put their sports drink Pocari Sweat on the moon in a specially equipped container bearing their logo, which, if successful, would be the first time a commercial product has been flown to the mo...

Pop Culture

Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

Your Horoscope

  • Aries

    Aries

    Finding out that a family member has passed away is never easy. Still, this week's Gorilla Gram will be tough to accept.
  • Taurus

    Taurus

    You will soon experience the kind of love that exists only in movies, but unfortunately for you, they're the ones starring Woody Allen.
  • Gemini

    Gemini

    While your method certainly worked, a simple diaper change would also have put the child out of its misery.
  • Cancer

    Cancer

    Critics will call your first poetry collection a "stirring work of utmost courage and beauty," which just goes to show how much mileage that man from Nantucket has.
  • Leo

    Leo

    If you have one fault, it's that you care too much. However, if you have two faults, it's that you can never pare your faults down to just one.
  • Virgo

    Virgo

    You'll be honored as a true War Hero this week, proving once and for all how dire the situation in Iraq has become.
  • Libra

    Libra

    Remember: While it takes a real man to admit he's made a mistake, it takes a fake woman to give him his money back.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio

    You will enjoy renewed popularity when four-star chefs serve you in a light hollandaise sauce with choice of salad.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius

    While many people have coping mechanisms, yours is the only one made up of two hand pulleys and a crate of vodka.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn

    Your new Vaudeville routine will have them rolling in the aisles this week, though technically speaking, some of the credit should go to the fire.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius

    Though many have argued over what came first, the chicken or the egg, all agree that causality dilemmas were a lot more fun before you showed up.
  • Pisces

    Pisces

    You will soon be ten men closer to discovering who it is you have to blow to get some service around here.
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