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Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Can Trump Follow Through On His Campaign Promises?

President-elect Donald Trump made a variety of lofty promises during his campaign as part of a pledge to “make America great again.” The Onion looks at several of these promises and evaluates whether Trump will be willing or able to follow through on them.
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Your Horoscope

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    Though life may seem like one big game, there will be swift and severe consequences to dumping out that barrel of monkeys.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    A surge of adrenaline can give people superhuman strength in times of emergency, but you'll refuse to admit that's how you opened the mayonnaise jar.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    By the end of the week, you will be heartbroken, confused, and alone. In other words, prepare for a very uneventful few days.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    They say you drive all the women crazy, but then again, you're Menopause, a physical and psychological condition known for such symptoms as depression, hot flashes, and unpredictable mood swings.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    Getting out of bed in the morning has never been easy for you, though to be fair, the leather straps do pose a new challenge.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    You'll fail to pull off the perfect murder when police investigators grow suspicious of the revolver, handsaw, and shovel you try to serve them for dinner.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    Your skin will soon feel like it's crawling with insects, but fear not: Spiders are actually arachnids.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    It doesn't matter who did what to whom, or who owes whom what, or even what was what, just as long as people start being specific for a fucking change.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    While giving blood is considered a selfless act, the manner and speed with which you'll do it will leave pedestrians shocked.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    They say you're immature, that you have a great deal of growing up left to do, but then, you're rubber and they're glue.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    You've never been the type of person who deals well with criticism, the mere mention of which will incite you to hurl a chair across the room this week.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    You will learn a very important lesson this week concerning the relative melting points of several different dental fillings.

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