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How Fashion Trends Arise

With the growing popularity of “fast fashion,” or designs that move quickly from the runway to retail chains, many wonder how their favorite styles first arise. The Onion breaks down the process step by step

SpaceX’s Plan To Colonize Mars

SpaceX founder Elon Musk continues to lay the groundwork to attempt the human colonization of Mars. Here’s a step-by-step guide to his plan:

Bill Clinton Resting Up To Sit Upright At Next Debate

CHAPPAQUA, NY—Stating that the former commander-in-chief had his sights squarely set on next Sunday, spokespeople for the Hillary for America campaign informed reporters Wednesday that Bill Clinton is currently resting up in preparation for another evening of sitting upright at the next presidential debate.

Cyclist Clearly Loves Signaling Turns

MILWAUKEE—Judging by the firm outward thrust of the woman’s arm and the length of times she held the gestures, witnesses confirmed Wednesday that a local bicycle rider clearly loves signaling turns.

Fact-Checking The First Presidential Debate

Addressing issues ranging from national security to trade to their personal controversies, Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton and Republican nominee Donald Trump squared off in the first presidential debate Monday. The Onion takes a look at the validity of their bolder claims:
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Your Horoscope

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    Though life may seem like one big game, there will be swift and severe consequences to dumping out that barrel of monkeys.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    A surge of adrenaline can give people superhuman strength in times of emergency, but you'll refuse to admit that's how you opened the mayonnaise jar.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    By the end of the week, you will be heartbroken, confused, and alone. In other words, prepare for a very uneventful few days.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    They say you drive all the women crazy, but then again, you're Menopause, a physical and psychological condition known for such symptoms as depression, hot flashes, and unpredictable mood swings.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    Getting out of bed in the morning has never been easy for you, though to be fair, the leather straps do pose a new challenge.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    You'll fail to pull off the perfect murder when police investigators grow suspicious of the revolver, handsaw, and shovel you try to serve them for dinner.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    Your skin will soon feel like it's crawling with insects, but fear not: Spiders are actually arachnids.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    It doesn't matter who did what to whom, or who owes whom what, or even what was what, just as long as people start being specific for a fucking change.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    While giving blood is considered a selfless act, the manner and speed with which you'll do it will leave pedestrians shocked.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    They say you're immature, that you have a great deal of growing up left to do, but then, you're rubber and they're glue.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    You've never been the type of person who deals well with criticism, the mere mention of which will incite you to hurl a chair across the room this week.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    You will learn a very important lesson this week concerning the relative melting points of several different dental fillings.

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