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Vol 44 Issue 12

Daddy Put In Bye-Bye Box

ITHACA, NY—"I'm going to be the big boy of the house until he gets back," said 5-year-old Ryan Lewis, whose daddy now resides in a cool underground fort.

Clinton Wants New Primary

Hillary Clinton is calling on Barack Obama to overturn the ruling of the Democratic party and concede to accepting the "do-over" primaries of Florida...

Tyler Hansbrough

It's uplifting to see his kind of intensity and passion, but what does that have to do with sports?
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Your Horoscope

  • Aries

    Aries

    Life will become needlessly complicated this Thursday when you purchase half as many apples as Cindy, but twice as many oranges as Charles and Cory combined.
  • Taurus

    Taurus

    The universe has a funny way of balancing things out. Prepare to lose your other eye by the end of the month.
  • Gemini

    Gemini

    While you're relieved to hear that the test results were negative, the mile-wide skywriting does seem a little excessive.
  • Cancer

    Cancer

    No amount of crying will bring your mother back, which is embarrassing, as she's still alive and you're now a sophomore in college.
  • Leo

    Leo

    You will inspire a new Zen riddle this week when a tree falls on top of you in the woods and there's no one around to hear all the screaming.
  • Virgo

    Virgo

    Animal rights activists will accuse you of cruel and inhumane conduct, even though the chicken is already dead, and that's just the way you eat wings.
  • Libra

    Libra

    There comes a time in every man's life when he's forced to admit that he has failed. For you that time is known as "Tuesdays."
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio

    While you've always worried about the voices inside your head, it's listening to those outside of it that will get you in trouble this week.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius

    Steve Jobs will have limited interest in your prototype of a new iPod that holds up to four songs, yet fits comfortably inside an ordinary dump truck.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn

    You've always believed that what two consenting adults do behind closed doors is none of your business, but that was before they locked themselves inside your bathroom.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius

    Childbirth is both an incredible and beautiful experience. Keep telling yourself that for the next 17 hours or so.
  • Pisces

    Pisces

    You will feel truly and wonderfully alive this Wednesday, which is ironic considering what will happen to you this Thursday.
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