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Vol 44 Issue 16

Plastics May Emit Toxins

A new report from the National Toxicology Program has raised concerns about bisphenol, a chemical found in baby bottles and sport water bottles that...

Chinese Class Clown Executed

BEIJING—Known among schoolmates for his spirited antics and ability to make light of almost any situation, classroom jokester Wei Xiang, 11,...

FCC Fines Electronics Retailers

The Federal Communications Commission levied nearly $6 million in fines to retailers such as Best Buy and Sears for failing to inform consumers that...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Good Times

Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

Your Horoscope

  • Aries

    Aries

    You never thought you had a sensitive side, but the fist-sized boils down the right half of your body will soon change your mind.
  • Taurus

    Taurus

    No one will want to talk about the 800-pound elephant in the room. Still, whoever has been feeding him cheap take-out seriously needs to stop.
  • Gemini

    Gemini

    Finding just the right words to express your feelings is often difficult, which is why you'll ultimately settle on a series of obscene hand gestures.
  • Cancer

    Cancer

    It's not so much your drinking that will drive loved ones away, but your tendency to operate chainsaws, nail-guns and other industrial power tools while intoxicated.
  • Leo

    Leo

    It's true that God created you in His likeness. Unfortunately for you, God was feeling particularly shitty about Himself that day.
  • Virgo

    Virgo

    You've always been afraid of having children, but worry not: That thing inside your uterus will bear little resemblance to an actual infant.
  • Libra

    Libra

    The human body is made up of 70 percent water, which helps to explain the sound you'll make after hitting the pavement this week.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio

    By the time rescue workers reach you this week, not only will you have eaten all of your fellow passengers, but moved on to some of the food they had brought along as well.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius

    You'll finally get the mounted deer head you've always wanted, though watching the poor creature try to pull itself free from your wall will take some getting used to.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn

    A passing stranger will steal your heart this week, and after a few too many drinks have been consumed, your kidney as well.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius

    There are some things in life science can't explain, but sadly, why your wife left you and your children refuse to call isn't one of them.
  • Pisces

    Pisces

    The stars indicate this is a good week to try new and exciting experiences. See what happens when you consume a second, larger meatball sandwich.
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