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How Fashion Trends Arise

With the growing popularity of “fast fashion,” or designs that move quickly from the runway to retail chains, many wonder how their favorite styles first arise. The Onion breaks down the process step by step

SpaceX’s Plan To Colonize Mars

SpaceX founder Elon Musk continues to lay the groundwork to attempt the human colonization of Mars. Here’s a step-by-step guide to his plan:

Bill Clinton Resting Up To Sit Upright At Next Debate

CHAPPAQUA, NY—Stating that the former commander-in-chief had his sights squarely set on next Sunday, spokespeople for the Hillary for America campaign informed reporters Wednesday that Bill Clinton is currently resting up in preparation for another evening of sitting upright at the next presidential debate.

Cyclist Clearly Loves Signaling Turns

MILWAUKEE—Judging by the firm outward thrust of the woman’s arm and the length of times she held the gestures, witnesses confirmed Wednesday that a local bicycle rider clearly loves signaling turns.

Fact-Checking The First Presidential Debate

Addressing issues ranging from national security to trade to their personal controversies, Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton and Republican nominee Donald Trump squared off in the first presidential debate Monday. The Onion takes a look at the validity of their bolder claims:
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Your Horoscope

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    A magical night beneath the stars awaits you this Thursday. Unfortunately for you, they're John Goodman, French Stewart and Artie Lang.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    All of your money problems will disappear this week when a large safe falls out of a nearby window, crushing your creditors at once.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    They may make your heart race and your knees tremble, but remember: Women are just as scared of you as you are of them.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    The streets will run red with the blood of the innocent and the pure this week—so relax, you have absolutely nothing to worry about.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    The moon in your sign indicates financial success in the coming days. The moon in your rear-view mirror, however, indicates those damn teens are at it again.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    Luck will be yours this week when a rapidly overflowing toilet nets you over 20 million dollars in black market heroin.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    Never in a million years did you think you'd end up as a successful trial lawyer, but it's still a bit of a surprise when you don't.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    Despite frantic efforts to retrieve it, your antipsychotic medication will be swept away by a shrieking river of lava once again this week.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    Your mother always said she wasn't made of money, but you and your local blood donor clinic are going to prove her wrong.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    Look to the Bible for the answer to your problems this week, or any other heavy book you can use to kill spiders.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    You claim to be more of a lover than a fighter, which is strange, considering the last 15 years of your marriage.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    It's difficult to know who to trust in life. Then again, the guy with the horns and the hooves should have been a no-brainer.

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