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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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  • Father Apologizes For Taking Out Anger On Wrong Son

    ELIZABETH, NJ—Moments after losing his composure with an unwarranted emotional outburst, local father David Kessler reportedly apologized to his son Christopher Thursday for erroneously taking out his anger on him and not his older brother Peter.

Your Horoscope

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    A magical night beneath the stars awaits you this Thursday. Unfortunately for you, they're John Goodman, French Stewart and Artie Lang.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    All of your money problems will disappear this week when a large safe falls out of a nearby window, crushing your creditors at once.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    They may make your heart race and your knees tremble, but remember: Women are just as scared of you as you are of them.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    The streets will run red with the blood of the innocent and the pure this week—so relax, you have absolutely nothing to worry about.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    The moon in your sign indicates financial success in the coming days. The moon in your rear-view mirror, however, indicates those damn teens are at it again.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    Luck will be yours this week when a rapidly overflowing toilet nets you over 20 million dollars in black market heroin.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    Never in a million years did you think you'd end up as a successful trial lawyer, but it's still a bit of a surprise when you don't.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    Despite frantic efforts to retrieve it, your antipsychotic medication will be swept away by a shrieking river of lava once again this week.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    Your mother always said she wasn't made of money, but you and your local blood donor clinic are going to prove her wrong.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    Look to the Bible for the answer to your problems this week, or any other heavy book you can use to kill spiders.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    You claim to be more of a lover than a fighter, which is strange, considering the last 15 years of your marriage.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    It's difficult to know who to trust in life. Then again, the guy with the horns and the hooves should have been a no-brainer.