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Vol 44 Issue 25

Muslim Woman Demands Obama Apology

A Detroit Muslim said that she was refused a seat behind Barack Obama's podium at a campaign rally because she was wearing the traditional head scarf. What do you think?
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Your Horoscope

  • Aries

    Aries

    Jealousy, suspicion, and utter confusion will be yours this week when you find yourself at the center of a bizarre love rhombus.
  • Taurus

    Taurus

    The mere mention of your name strikes fear and terror in the hearts of men, though that's mainly because it's so difficult to pronounce.
  • Gemini

    Gemini

    The stars foresee a great number of failures, setbacks and letdowns in your future, but then pretty much anyone could have told you that.
  • Cancer

    Cancer

    Smuggling cocaine across the border is a delicate art. Next time try stashing it inside a stuffed animal instead of a live one.
  • Leo

    Leo

    Action and adventure await you this Thursday, though not before hours of pointless exposition and predictable plot twists.
  • Virgo

    Virgo

    Your claims that you can't do nothing right are incorrect. What you mean you to say is "can't do anything right."
  • Libra

    Libra

    While it's true that your marriage isn't dead yet, the circling vultures and lurking coyotes can't be a good sign.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio

    Turns out it's neither the heat nor the humidity, but rather a foot-long meatball sub that will cause all the sweating.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius

    Lately it feels like you're living a lie, which would explain the part about winning the pie-eating contest, swimming in shark infested waters, and having sex with women.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn

    You will drink from the well of wisdom this week, instantly learning all there is to know about contracting dysentery.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius

    Your flawless table manners, impeccable hygiene, and extensive vocabulary may seem strange to some, but then they've never met anyone raised by the Wolffs before.
  • Pisces

    Pisces

    Remember: Anything can be accomplished with enough grit, determination, and cups of black coffee.
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