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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Your Horoscope

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    Jealousy, suspicion, and utter confusion will be yours this week when you find yourself at the center of a bizarre love rhombus.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    The mere mention of your name strikes fear and terror in the hearts of men, though that's mainly because it's so difficult to pronounce.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    The stars foresee a great number of failures, setbacks and letdowns in your future, but then pretty much anyone could have told you that.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    Smuggling cocaine across the border is a delicate art. Next time try stashing it inside a stuffed animal instead of a live one.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    Action and adventure await you this Thursday, though not before hours of pointless exposition and predictable plot twists.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    Your claims that you can't do nothing right are incorrect. What you mean you to say is "can't do anything right."
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    While it's true that your marriage isn't dead yet, the circling vultures and lurking coyotes can't be a good sign.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    Turns out it's neither the heat nor the humidity, but rather a foot-long meatball sub that will cause all the sweating.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    Lately it feels like you're living a lie, which would explain the part about winning the pie-eating contest, swimming in shark infested waters, and having sex with women.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    You will drink from the well of wisdom this week, instantly learning all there is to know about contracting dysentery.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    Your flawless table manners, impeccable hygiene, and extensive vocabulary may seem strange to some, but then they've never met anyone raised by the Wolffs before.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    Remember: Anything can be accomplished with enough grit, determination, and cups of black coffee.