adBlockCheck

Recent News

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.
End Of Section
  • More News

Your Horoscope

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    They say that someone with half a brain could do your job, which is good news considering next week's debilitating stroke.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    God may have a divine plan for you, but after the coal mine disaster and the tour bus fire, you're beginning to suspect He's just making it up along the way.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    You'll be reduced to a fraction of your former self this week when both your numerator and denominator are divided by 12.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    Prom can be the most memorable night in a young girl's life. However, if the barbiturates do their job, she should still have trouble identifying you the next morning.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    You've never been the athletic type, so it's a bit of a surprise when you're suddenly struck with a dozen errant javelins.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    Dogs and their owners will often begin to look alike after years of living together, though it's hard to tell with your face inside that bowl half the time.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    You're about to undergo a deeply religious experience. Unfortunately for you, it's the kind that involves being alienated, persecuted, and finally crucified.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    The stars indicate that this is a good week to jump around as if on fire, seduce a species of rare crayfish, and find a new astrologist.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    You and your partner will once again argue over money in bed, but then that's what you get for not agreeing to a price beforehand.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    There's no worse fate than dying alone. Thankfully, you'll be surrounded by hundreds of airline passengers when it happens.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    You'll scream until you're blue in the face this week, which only makes sense, as you're screaming for the national independence of greater Scotland.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    Remember: Just because they haven't found the bodies yet doesn't make it a victimless crime.

More from this section

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close