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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Your Horoscope

  • Aries

    Aries

    They say that someone with half a brain could do your job, which is good news considering next week's debilitating stroke.
  • Taurus

    Taurus

    God may have a divine plan for you, but after the coal mine disaster and the tour bus fire, you're beginning to suspect He's just making it up along the way.
  • Gemini

    Gemini

    You'll be reduced to a fraction of your former self this week when both your numerator and denominator are divided by 12.
  • Cancer

    Cancer

    Prom can be the most memorable night in a young girl's life. However, if the barbiturates do their job, she should still have trouble identifying you the next morning.
  • Leo

    Leo

    You've never been the athletic type, so it's a bit of a surprise when you're suddenly struck with a dozen errant javelins.
  • Virgo

    Virgo

    Dogs and their owners will often begin to look alike after years of living together, though it's hard to tell with your face inside that bowl half the time.
  • Libra

    Libra

    You're about to undergo a deeply religious experience. Unfortunately for you, it's the kind that involves being alienated, persecuted, and finally crucified.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio

    The stars indicate that this is a good week to jump around as if on fire, seduce a species of rare crayfish, and find a new astrologist.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius

    You and your partner will once again argue over money in bed, but then that's what you get for not agreeing to a price beforehand.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn

    There's no worse fate than dying alone. Thankfully, you'll be surrounded by hundreds of airline passengers when it happens.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius

    You'll scream until you're blue in the face this week, which only makes sense, as you're screaming for the national independence of greater Scotland.
  • Pisces

    Pisces

    Remember: Just because they haven't found the bodies yet doesn't make it a victimless crime.
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