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What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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Your Horoscope

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    You'll finally get a taste of your own medicine this week, which is unfortunate, as you're the nation's leading supplier of horse laxatives.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    The stars, in their infinite wisdom, indicate that you have something on your shirt. Also the stars indicate that you always fall for that one.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    Regret will be yours this week when you're forced to choose between a slice of cherry pie and everlasting life.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    They say there's plenty of fish in the sea, but everything you catch is either covered in scales, has concentrated levels of mercury, or suffers from deep-seated abandonment issues.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    After years of being an emotionless drone, you'll finally break down and cry this week, instantly rusting your metal hinges and joints.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    You've always wondered what kind of father you'd be. Now with the children out of the way, you'll have plenty of time to figure it out.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    Remember: A penny saved is a harsh and unflattering reputation earned.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    Onlookers will be moved by your quiet dignity, inner strength, and unflinching resolve. Then, your pants will fall down.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    You're not the type of person who takes things personally, making it very hard for friends to openly insult you.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    The green-eyed monster will rear its ugly head this week, flash a knowing smile, and return to making love to your former wife.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    You'll allow your children to pick out a dog of their choosing. Unfortunately, you'll do this at the betting track.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    Decades of trying to make sense of the world will come to an embarrassing end this week when you realize you've been staring at the damn thing upside-down.

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