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How Campaigns Spend Their Money

The 2016 election cycle is shaping up to be the most expensive in American history, with most presidential candidates already having raised tens of millions of dollars for their respective campaigns. Here is a breakdown of just how that money is spent:

Fan Can’t Believe He Left 11 Seconds Into Ronda Rousey Fight

RIO DE JANEIRO—Kicking himself for not staying all the way until the end of the fight and subsequently missing its thrilling finish, local mixed martial arts fan Marcos Acosta expressed both disappointment and regret Tuesday for leaving UFC 190’s main event between Ronda Rousey and Bethe Correia after 11 seconds.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Fatherhood

  • Father Apologizes For Taking Out Anger On Wrong Son

    ELIZABETH, NJ—Moments after losing his composure with an unwarranted emotional outburst, local father David Kessler reportedly apologized to his son Christopher Thursday for erroneously taking out his anger on him and not his older brother Peter.

Fantasy Sports

FIFA Frantically Announces 2015 Summer World Cup In United States

Global Soccer Tournament To Kick Off In America Later This Afternoon

ZURICH—After the Justice Department indicted numerous executives from world soccer’s governing body on charges of corruption and bribery, frantic and visibly nervous officials from FIFA held an impromptu press conference Wednesday to announce that the United States has been selected to host this summer’s 2015 World Cup.

Your Horoscope

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    They say that a little hard work and perseverance never killed anyone, but you and your trusty knife are about to prove them wrong.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    Fate has something special in store for Taurus this week, though to be fair, that's not what the other kids will call him.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    Remember: It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye. Then, it's a challenging scavenger hunt.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    You'll awake to find a complete stranger in your bed this week, but then it's been years since you last recognized your wife.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    Friends will soon think of you every time a gasoline truck crashes into the side of a burning building.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    The stars indicate that they have your new astrological prediction right here. Yeah, come and get it, hot stuff.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    Police officials will quickly rule you out as a suspect in the Case Of The Recently Showered Burglar.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    Nothing can replace the bliss and euphoria of a runner's high. Still, lugging around all that vodka is really starting to slow you down.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    By the end of the week, you'll be the nation's foremost expert on muskrat attacks, industrial glue mishaps, and rare Egyptian curses.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    Bringing a child into the world might seem cruel to you, but you're going to have to let him out of the basement at some point.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    You'll set a new record for most meatball sandwiches consumed in an hour, or at least you would have, had you waited for the judges to arrive.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    Don't let anyone call you a coward this week. Unless, of course, they happen to be much bigger than you.