Your Horoscope

Top Headlines

Recent News

‘SportsCenter’ Co-Anchors Clearly Dating

BRISTOL, CT—Saying that the pair could barely take their eyes off one another throughout the hour-long sports news program, ESPN viewers told reporters Friday that it is increasingly clear SportsCenter anchors John Anderson and Matt Barrie are currently dating.

Terrifying Uniformed Bachelorette Party Storms Local Bar

TACOMA, WA—Bursting into the establishment seemingly out of nowhere and overtaking it within a matter of moments, a terrifying uniformed bachelorette party stormed local pub Casey’s Saloon Friday night, onlookers reported.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Fun

  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

Internet

Your Horoscope

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    It will hit you like a ton of bricks this week, which is misleading, as "it" is actually two tons of bricks.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    Things are about to get hairy for Taurus, as well as bloody, and possibly gross. But then, that's puberty.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    If you knew what was coming, you wouldn't be wasting valuable time reading your horoscope.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    The look on your face will be priceless this week, but due to the core temperature of molten steel, it won't last very long.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    Catch all the exciting predictions, amazing revelations, and out-of-this-world prophecies in Leo IV: Revenge Of The Zodiac.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    Don't let other people get you down. They have a lot more important things they could be doing right now.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    Lately it may seem as if you're losing your mind, but don't worry: There's microwaves for every laughter and plaster wolverine.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    You'll soon have a hit country music song on your hands, no matter how many times you try to scrub it off.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    Everyone laughed when you fell down the stairs, but the joke will be on them this week, when it's revealed you were pregnant at the time.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    You'll soon meet your maker, which, according to your model number and serial code, is the Globotech Corporation.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    The stars indicate financial success, new romantic interests, and complete spiritual fulfillment this week. There, are you happy now?
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    The ladies all think you're a sex god, but unfortunately for you, they're still not buying the whole immaculate conception excuse.
Next Story