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What Is The Alt-Right?

A recent speech by Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton criticizing the “alt-right” movement and its support of Republican nominee Donald Trump has shone the national spotlight on the ideologically conservative group. Here’s what you need to know about the alt-right

Aunt On Facebook Casually Advocates War Crime

WILLIAMSPORT, PA—Arguing that it was time to deal decisively with the threat of terrorism, local aunt Deborah Massey casually advocated a war crime Monday in a brief Facebook post, sources confirmed. “Any city that has ISIS people hiding out in it needs to be bombed to the ground.

Dad Shares Photo Album Through Never-Before-Seen Website

SECAUCUS, NJ—Wondering aloud how the father of three even managed to find the online image-hosting service, family members of local dad Phil Yates told reporters Monday the 57-year-old had shared a photo album with them through a never-before-seen website.

How Obamacare Can Be Improved

With Aetna just the latest health insurance provider to opt out of covering Obamacare markets, many are wondering what changes can make the Affordable Care Act more appealing to customers and insurance companies. Here are some proposed improvements

NASA Discovers Distant Planet Located Outside Funding Capabilities

WASHINGTON—Noting that the celestial body lies within the habitable zone of its parent star and could potentially harbor liquid water, NASA officials announced at a press conference Thursday they have discovered an Earth-like planet located outside their funding capabilities.

A Primer On Everyday Sexism

Though opportunities for women have increased considerably over the past century, insidious everyday sexism continues to inform the female experience. Here are some commonly asked questions about this pervasive form of discrimination

Diehard Trump Voters Confirm Rest Of Nation Should Stop Wasting Time Trying To Reach Them

‘If Anything Could Change Our Minds, It Would’ve Happened By Now,’ Say Candidate’s Supporters

WASHINGTON—Saying it should be very clear by now that absolutely nothing can change their position on the matter, steadfast supporters of Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump told the rest of the nation Wednesday that it really shouldn’t bother trying to persuade them not to vote for him.
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Your Horoscope

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    It will hit you like a ton of bricks this week, which is misleading, as "it" is actually two tons of bricks.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    Things are about to get hairy for Taurus, as well as bloody, and possibly gross. But then, that's puberty.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    If you knew what was coming, you wouldn't be wasting valuable time reading your horoscope.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    The look on your face will be priceless this week, but due to the core temperature of molten steel, it won't last very long.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    Catch all the exciting predictions, amazing revelations, and out-of-this-world prophecies in Leo IV: Revenge Of The Zodiac.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    Don't let other people get you down. They have a lot more important things they could be doing right now.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    Lately it may seem as if you're losing your mind, but don't worry: There's microwaves for every laughter and plaster wolverine.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    You'll soon have a hit country music song on your hands, no matter how many times you try to scrub it off.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    Everyone laughed when you fell down the stairs, but the joke will be on them this week, when it's revealed you were pregnant at the time.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    You'll soon meet your maker, which, according to your model number and serial code, is the Globotech Corporation.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    The stars indicate financial success, new romantic interests, and complete spiritual fulfillment this week. There, are you happy now?
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    The ladies all think you're a sex god, but unfortunately for you, they're still not buying the whole immaculate conception excuse.

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