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What Smoking A Cigarette Does To The Body

With the FDA recently pulling multiple cigarette brands off the market, the conversation surrounding the harmful effects of smoking has been returning in full force to the national stage. Here is what happens to your body as you smoke a cigarette

Childish 12-Year-Old Still Believes In Father

HARTFORD, CT—Saying she just assumed he would have figured it out by now, local mother Kathleen Rivers expressed concern to reporters Tuesday that her 12-year-old son, Dylan, still believes in his father.

Obama Returns From Trade Summit With 5 Stout Ships Full Of Cardamom, Silk, And Indigo

WASHINGTON— Exhausted, berimed with salt, and haggard from his long sea journey, but nevertheless triumphant as he guided his fleet to port following the completion of the Trans-Pacific Partnership, President Barack Obama is said to have made harbor in Washington, D.C.’s anchorage Monday, his five sturdy galleons choked to the very gunwales with the finest silks, casks of redolent cardamom, and great cakes of vivid dye-of-indigo retrieved from the far Orient.

Uber Vs. Taxis

The rise of on-demand car service Uber has been the subject of much scrutiny for its effects on existing local taxi services, with cities unsure how to regulate it and consumers debating which one to use. Here is a side-by-side comparison of these two modes of transportation
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Your Horoscope

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    Four will be killed, 12 injured, and nearly 50 molested this week after your subconscious escapes free.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    Will you finally get that big job promotion? Is whirlwind romance in the cards for you? Tune in to Taurus next week for all the answers and more!
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    The training wheels will soon come off your bike, as will both regular wheels, the front and back brakes, each handlebar, and finally, you.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    Red-bellied trout are known for traveling halfway across the country in search of a mate, but it's still a bit of a surprise when hundreds of them arrive at your doorstep.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    Don't be afraid to ask loved ones for help this week. After all, they expect nothing less from a fuck-up like you.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    You always knew the day would come when the machines would rise up and take over the world, but never did you imagine it'd be so convenient.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    After years of quiet introspection, you'll finally come out of your shell this week, disgusting everyone with your squirming, mucous-covered flesh.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    More and more, you're beginning to suspect you're just around to help move the plot forward.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    Remember to count your blessings this week, as it's the last time you'll be able to perform mental arithmetic for months to come.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    You'll soon owe the local police chief, resident fire marshal, and head zookeeper a rather large apology.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    Despite their best efforts, rescue workers will fail to pull you out from beneath hundreds of pounds of stored fat this week.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    The stars indicate that—hoo, boy—that's definitely going to hurt.