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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Your Horoscope

  • Aries

    Aries

    Your life has always resembled something out of a movie, which explains the scrolling end credits this week.
  • Taurus

    Taurus

    A surprise awaits Taurus in the days to come, or whenever it is you have that physical scheduled for.
  • Gemini

    Gemini

    You'll be awarded the Nobel Prize For Not Paying Attention And Letting The Damn Rice Burn Again this week.
  • Cancer

    Cancer

    The stars will be out on vacation for the next several days. Please contact them at cancer17@gmail.com in the event of an astrological emergency.
  • Leo

    Leo

    You'll popularize a strange, but nonetheless memorable catchphrase this week after being accidentally set on fire.
  • Virgo

    Virgo

    Don't let your ego get in the way of important friendships this week. You're better than that. Much, much better than that.
  • Libra

    Libra

    You've always said there's nothing a little bit of sun couldn't cure, leading to your eventual death from both diabetes and skin cancer.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio

    Tension mounts this week when interrogators crank the wooden vice another three and a half turns.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius

    All of the evidence will soon point to you, as will all of the witnesses, each and every one of the jurors, and most of the screaming chimpanzees.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn

    You'll finally experience true and unconditional love this week, thanks to a partially open window shade.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius

    The stars indicate that you have no impulse control, which explains why you're already on the other side of the room eating cake.
  • Pisces

    Pisces

    You may not be a marine biologist, or some leading whale expert, but you're pretty sure that's a blowhole you got there.
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