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What Is The Alt-Right?

A recent speech by Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton criticizing the “alt-right” movement and its support of Republican nominee Donald Trump has shone the national spotlight on the ideologically conservative group. Here’s what you need to know about the alt-right

Aunt On Facebook Casually Advocates War Crime

WILLIAMSPORT, PA—Arguing that it was time to deal decisively with the threat of terrorism, local aunt Deborah Massey casually advocated a war crime Monday in a brief Facebook post, sources confirmed. “Any city that has ISIS people hiding out in it needs to be bombed to the ground.

Dad Shares Photo Album Through Never-Before-Seen Website

SECAUCUS, NJ—Wondering aloud how the father of three even managed to find the online image-hosting service, family members of local dad Phil Yates told reporters Monday the 57-year-old had shared a photo album with them through a never-before-seen website.

How Obamacare Can Be Improved

With Aetna just the latest health insurance provider to opt out of covering Obamacare markets, many are wondering what changes can make the Affordable Care Act more appealing to customers and insurance companies. Here are some proposed improvements

NASA Discovers Distant Planet Located Outside Funding Capabilities

WASHINGTON—Noting that the celestial body lies within the habitable zone of its parent star and could potentially harbor liquid water, NASA officials announced at a press conference Thursday they have discovered an Earth-like planet located outside their funding capabilities.

A Primer On Everyday Sexism

Though opportunities for women have increased considerably over the past century, insidious everyday sexism continues to inform the female experience. Here are some commonly asked questions about this pervasive form of discrimination

Diehard Trump Voters Confirm Rest Of Nation Should Stop Wasting Time Trying To Reach Them

‘If Anything Could Change Our Minds, It Would’ve Happened By Now,’ Say Candidate’s Supporters

WASHINGTON—Saying it should be very clear by now that absolutely nothing can change their position on the matter, steadfast supporters of Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump told the rest of the nation Wednesday that it really shouldn’t bother trying to persuade them not to vote for him.
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Your Horoscope

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    Be sure to take a good look in the mirror this week, as you'll soon have to remember where most of that stuff used to be.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    Taurus will release its own line of designer perfume in the days to come. Prepare yourself for Destiné—it's your future in a bottle.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    Cigarettes will continue to take a toll on your health this week when you're traded back and forth for packs of them.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    The stars apologize for last week's prediction of untold fame and fortune. They keep forgetting that you actually believe in this crap.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    You'll ask the princess to marry you, disrupting the royal procession, ruining countless chicken dinners, and forcing security personnel to escort you out of Medieval Times.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    Recent advances in forensic science may sound impressive, but the entire field is still years away from determining what will happen to you.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    You'll fall to your knees this week and beg God for forgiveness. Then it's right back to what you were doing on your knees in the first place.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    Beneath your tough exterior lies a sweet and sensitive human being. Beneath that, however, it's pretty much all tumors.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    Look for a sign this week when deciding whether to stop, yield, feed the animals, or touch high-voltage power-lines.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    Get ready to kick up your heels and throw your hands in the air, as that can of mace will have little to no effect.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    Humiliation will be yours this week when you're replaced with a healthy variety of meatless alternatives.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    The stars blah blah blah exciting life changes blah blah blah night journey over water blah blah blah it'll be born with three fingers.

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