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How Fashion Trends Arise

With the growing popularity of “fast fashion,” or designs that move quickly from the runway to retail chains, many wonder how their favorite styles first arise. The Onion breaks down the process step by step

SpaceX’s Plan To Colonize Mars

SpaceX founder Elon Musk continues to lay the groundwork to attempt the human colonization of Mars. Here’s a step-by-step guide to his plan:

Bill Clinton Resting Up To Sit Upright At Next Debate

CHAPPAQUA, NY—Stating that the former commander-in-chief had his sights squarely set on next Sunday, spokespeople for the Hillary for America campaign informed reporters Wednesday that Bill Clinton is currently resting up in preparation for another evening of sitting upright at the next presidential debate.

Cyclist Clearly Loves Signaling Turns

MILWAUKEE—Judging by the firm outward thrust of the woman’s arm and the length of times she held the gestures, witnesses confirmed Wednesday that a local bicycle rider clearly loves signaling turns.

Fact-Checking The First Presidential Debate

Addressing issues ranging from national security to trade to their personal controversies, Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton and Republican nominee Donald Trump squared off in the first presidential debate Monday. The Onion takes a look at the validity of their bolder claims:
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Your Horoscope

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    It seems that for every step forward, you take two to the side, three back, and then trip and fall off the side of a building, hitting the fire escape several times on the way down.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    Enlightenment and confusion will both be yours this week, when a tree falls in the woods only to make the sound of one hand clapping.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    You'll wonder aloud if there's anything duct tape can't do, much to the horror of your fellow EMTs and the crowd that has gathered.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    Wild peals of laughter will surround you this week when you're unexpectedly struck in the nuts by cancer.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    What begins as a Kafkaesque ordeal, will soon turn into an Orwellian nightmare, before unexpectedly becoming a Judy Blume-ish disaster.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    In a tragic twist of fate, you'll be overwhelmed this week by both a sense of fear and a pack of wolves.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    New and exciting experiences help to color one's life, which explains why yours is an insipid shade of cement grey.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    While no proverb currently exists to warn you of the dangers of next week's events, dozens will soon be hastily written to prevent others from suffering a similar fate.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    Although many wrestle with latent homosexual urges, you're the only one the stars know who likes to oil up beforehand.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    The stars will grant your heart's deepest desire this week, causing you much confusion when bags of money arrive in place of your long-lost son.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    You'll soon be struck by a painful realization concerning the relative force and speed of ordinary city buses.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    Satan will take the form of Excel spreadsheet cell G-14 this week and refuse to assume the proper formatting.

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