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20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.
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Your Horoscope

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    It seems that for every step forward, you take two to the side, three back, and then trip and fall off the side of a building, hitting the fire escape several times on the way down.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    Enlightenment and confusion will both be yours this week, when a tree falls in the woods only to make the sound of one hand clapping.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    You'll wonder aloud if there's anything duct tape can't do, much to the horror of your fellow EMTs and the crowd that has gathered.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    Wild peals of laughter will surround you this week when you're unexpectedly struck in the nuts by cancer.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    What begins as a Kafkaesque ordeal, will soon turn into an Orwellian nightmare, before unexpectedly becoming a Judy Blume-ish disaster.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    In a tragic twist of fate, you'll be overwhelmed this week by both a sense of fear and a pack of wolves.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    New and exciting experiences help to color one's life, which explains why yours is an insipid shade of cement grey.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    While no proverb currently exists to warn you of the dangers of next week's events, dozens will soon be hastily written to prevent others from suffering a similar fate.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    Although many wrestle with latent homosexual urges, you're the only one the stars know who likes to oil up beforehand.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    The stars will grant your heart's deepest desire this week, causing you much confusion when bags of money arrive in place of your long-lost son.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    You'll soon be struck by a painful realization concerning the relative force and speed of ordinary city buses.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    Satan will take the form of Excel spreadsheet cell G-14 this week and refuse to assume the proper formatting.

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