Your Horoscope 4201

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Vol 42 Issue 01

Alcohol Awareness Class

Colleges across the country are requiring incoming freshmen to take an online alcohol-awareness course. What do you think?

Gay Cowboy Film Buzz

Brokeback Mountain, Ang Lee's controversial gay cowboy film, is generating Oscar buzz. What do you think?

Greenspan Retiring

After 18 years of service, Alan Greenspan is retiring as chairman of the Federal Reserve at the age of 79. What do you think?

January 4, 1959

Alaska, Hawaii, Guam, Bora Bora, Samoa, Philippines, Japan Granted U.S. Statehood

I Miss My Old Sled

I have been informed that winter has been upon us for a good month now. It is during this long season that my thoughts invariably turn to my...
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TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Good Times

Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

Advertising

  • Sports Drink Company Putting First Advertisement On Moon

    Japanese pharmaceutical company Otsuka has announced plans to put their sports drink Pocari Sweat on the moon in a specially equipped container bearing their logo, which, if successful, would be the first time a commercial product has been flown to the mo...

Your Horoscope 4201

  • Aries

    Aries

    What you thought was a folksy comment turns out to be the plain truth when wet, slushy snow and heavy winds combine to make for rough sledding.
  • Taurus

    Taurus

    You will fail to keep your New Year's resolution to ignore meaningless holidays and arbitrary personal decisions.
  • Gemini

    Gemini

    With winter on its way, keep in mind that sex is like snow—you never know how long it will last or how many inches you will get.
  • Cancer

    Cancer

    Your seventh straight year of office football pool domination will be tarnished when your colleagues discover that NFL commissioner Paul Tagliabue has become your psychic friend.
  • Leo

    Leo

    Your insurance company insists that it has no obligation to insure you as long as you're still frozen in that block of ice.
  • Virgo

    Virgo

    Act surprised all you want, but you know damn well why hockey great Theoren Fleury is waiting on your doorstep with flowers and candy.
  • Libra

    Libra

    Your judgment is called into question when, despite the strong advice of your friends down in the marketing department, you decide to go ahead with plans to launch a winter invasion of Russia.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio

    Don't fight the turning of the seasons: Time marches on, no matter how many leaves you glue back onto the trees.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius

    Due to conditions beyond fate's control, Sagittarius will be required to repeat February 1992.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn

    Your love for the unexpected joy of "snow days" will not translate directly into a love for next week's hellish rains of fire and blood.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius

    Dedicate yourself to the vision of poet Herman Hesse, who declared war on cheap, false beauty: Kill every figure skater you can find.
  • Pisces

    Pisces

    You will soon be unwillingly forced into a flurry of activity when you are chosen to host the 2014 Winter Olympiad.
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