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How Fashion Trends Arise

With the growing popularity of “fast fashion,” or designs that move quickly from the runway to retail chains, many wonder how their favorite styles first arise. The Onion breaks down the process step by step

SpaceX’s Plan To Colonize Mars

SpaceX founder Elon Musk continues to lay the groundwork to attempt the human colonization of Mars. Here’s a step-by-step guide to his plan:

Bill Clinton Resting Up To Sit Upright At Next Debate

CHAPPAQUA, NY—Stating that the former commander-in-chief had his sights squarely set on next Sunday, spokespeople for the Hillary for America campaign informed reporters Wednesday that Bill Clinton is currently resting up in preparation for another evening of sitting upright at the next presidential debate.

Cyclist Clearly Loves Signaling Turns

MILWAUKEE—Judging by the firm outward thrust of the woman’s arm and the length of times she held the gestures, witnesses confirmed Wednesday that a local bicycle rider clearly loves signaling turns.

Fact-Checking The First Presidential Debate

Addressing issues ranging from national security to trade to their personal controversies, Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton and Republican nominee Donald Trump squared off in the first presidential debate Monday. The Onion takes a look at the validity of their bolder claims:
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Your Horoscopes

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    Losing a limb can be a trying and traumatic experience, but you'll be an expert at it by the end of the week.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    Those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it, which explains why you keep trying to invade Russia during the summer of 1941.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    You'll soon leave your own personal mark on the world, at least until emergency crews have time to arrive and hose it off.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    All of your money problems will be solved this week when you realize that those large piles of "cash" can be exchanged for goods and services.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    It's a filthy habit and you should really know better at your age. Then again, there's something to be said for the convenience of diapers.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    The stars indicate that this is a good week to spend surrounded by loved ones, especially your father, and especially before Thursday.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    You claim to be more of a leader than a follower, but that's only because you've heard other people say the same thing before.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    All of those hurtful mother-in-law jokes will come back to haunt you this Friday when you suddenly run out of hurtful mother-in-law jokes to tell.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    The "smoking monkey" gag is a comedy classic, but that was before he started trying to bum cigarettes from you.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    You will suffer the greatest humiliation of your life this week when community leaders decide to tear you down for being an eyesore.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    Love can make a person do all sorts of weird and crazy things, but in your case, it'll mostly involve showering.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    The Grim Reaper himself will visit you this evening, but much to your dismay, all he really wants is to borrow another 20 dollars.

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