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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Your Horoscopes

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    The interesting thing about your future isn't its extreme brevity, but how many angry, drunken Cossacks it holds.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    Your quest for abs of steel ends tragically this week when you cut yourself in half with a welding torch.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    Sometimes it is best to simply let events unfold. However, doing so for the last 25 years was probably a mistake.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    The kind of pressure you'll deal with this week would kill a lesser man, which, unfortunately, is exactly what you are.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    You've got a pair of gams that just won't quit, making things quite awkward when management is forced to let them go.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    A wonderful romantic experience looms ahead for Taurus, which really sucks, as you're a Virgo.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    Something deep inside of you will re-awaken this week. Plan to spend most of Thursday sitting in your bathroom.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    You'll soon come to regret catching fist-size chunks of jagged hail on your tongue.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    Any well-read person will notice several parallels between the story of Beowulf and your disastrous housewarming party this week.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    Your frequent boasts of being a real lady-killer will finally gain some credence when an FBI forensics team digs up your backyard.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    You're no Mother Teresa, much to the utter shock and dismay of all those blind orphans in India.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    Try as they might, the stars can't see the point in telling you about next week. You'll just do whatever you damn well please, anyway.