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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Comedy

Fun

  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

Your Horoscopes

  • Aries

    Aries

    You’ll feast on the flesh of your mortal enemy, which is lucky for you, as your mortal enemy is the orange-braised duck.
  • Taurus

    Taurus

    Friends will soon discover the secret ingredient to your world-famous lemon bars, though they’ll lack the necessary motor functions to tell others.
  • Gemini

    Gemini

    You’re no art expert, but you know what you like, which explains all the meatball sandwiches hanging on your walls.
  • Cancer

    Cancer

    The stars fucking give up—if you want another slice of blueberry pie, just go ahead and have another slice of blueberry pie.
  • Leo

    Leo

    While it's true that every man has his price, yours is the only one clearly labeled at the top of a pancake menu.
  • Virgo

    Virgo

    It might not be today, and it might not be tomorrow, but you’ll soon come to regret staging a pie-eating contest to select a new wife.
  • Libra

    Libra

    You’re about to go through a real messy divorce, thanks in large part to the Philly cheese steak you’ll refuse to put down.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio

    The stars apologize for last week’s prediction of “money problems.” Looks like they forgot the “k” in there.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius

    You’ll have no choice but to eat the other passengers after your plane crashes into an Armor Hot Dog Processing Plant this week.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn

    Don’t spend the rest of your life wondering “what if?” Dress the dog in full military regalia before it’s too late.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius

    Turns out it was the butler, in the study, with the candlestick. But enough about your love life.
  • Pisces

    Pisces

    You’ll turn to religion this week, dislocating your neck, both shoulders, and most of your tendons in the process.
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