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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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    Your life's story will soon play out in front of movie theater audiences across the country, though it'll only last about thirty seconds and advertise free soft drink refills in the main lobby.
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    The rise of Jupiter in your sign indicates that Jesus Christ, come on now, get your goddamn finances in order already.
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    You'll discover the long-sought missing link between humans and apes this week, moments after standing directly in front of your bathroom mirror.
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    A number of amazing breakthroughs will be made this week in the field of electroshock therapy, though researchers will be laughing way too hard to officially announce them.
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    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    A strange feeling will soon come over you when doctors pull out a smaller, screaming woman out of you, a larger, screaming woman.
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    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    Despite several face-to-face meetings, and a series of concessions on your part, the ants still will refuse to recognize your truce.
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    Remember: Your grandfather is more than just a member of the family, he's a living time machine to the incredibly confused past!
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    Your job may not help to save any lives, or cure people of fatal diseases, which is a problem, as you're a highly regarded heart surgeon.
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    A courageous time traveler will journey back in time this week to save your poorly thought-out student film from a lack of ending.
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    Nobody really understands you like your husband does, except maybe for every single American who's ever read a copy of Atlas Shrugged.
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    A backyard barbecue this week will smell a lot more fun than it actually is.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    After years of keeping the secret to yourself, you will finally break your silence this week on that one thing nobody really cares about.
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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

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