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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Your Horoscopes

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    Your expanding consciousness will bring you a deeper and deeper understanding of the universe until your head bursts like an overripe melon.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    Everyone doubted you when you said you were going to bike across the country last summer. Make them feel bad by telling them it's their fault you didn't.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    You will bring shame to your town coroner by causing him to laugh uncontrollably throughout your autopsy.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    Though you insist you can stop drinking whenever you want, the truth is, you can't seem to function without five or six pints of water a day.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    You tend to fly into a rage over the smallest problems. Fortunately, you'll encounter only huge disasters this week.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    Admit it: Things just haven't been the same for you since you gave in and started wearing pants again.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    The stars indicate that this is not a good week to start a new love affair. It's a fine week, however, to continue enjoying the old one.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    You've listened to it over and over, but you still fail to see how Frampton is supposed to "come alive."
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    This week, try not to worry about things over which you have no control. For an ineffectual slob such as yourself, this means just about everything.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    You will see your fate unfold as through a glass, darkly. This is largely due to your sunglasses.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    The Zodiac is still around during the daytime, even if you can't see it. So don't try anything funny, okay?
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    You've learned a few things in your life, but as you'll soon see, looking both ways before crossing the street isn't one of them.
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