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Vol 46 Issue 01

Colts To Rest Starters For First Game Of Playoffs

INDIANAPOLIS—At his weekly press conference Monday, Colts head coach Jim Caldwell announced that he will rest key starters during the divisional round of the AFC playoffs to keep his players fresh for a Super Bowl run.

Man Gets Life In Order For 36 Minutes

JACKSONVILLE, FL—"It was nice to get some chores out of the way," Terry Oberlin told reporters later, acknowledging that for more than half an hour he experienced no regrets, despair, or frustration of any kind. "Felt really good."

Chris Johnson

This blisteringly quick Titans running back just set the NFL's single-season total yardage record. Is he any good?

Scandalous Coach Firings

Mike Leach's departure from Texas Tech was a spectacle, but it wasn't the first unusual firing in sports history. We look at other notable incidents.
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TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Your Horoscopes

  • Aries

    Aries

    Turns out it's not your relationship with your father that's been eating you up inside, but rather a three-foot long parasite lodged directly below your kidney.
  • Taurus

    Taurus

    It takes a real man to admit when he's made a mistake. However, now that you're a woman, you can blame the sex-change operation on someone else.
  • Gemini

    Gemini

    Due to its high incidence of hijinx, tomfoolery, and puns, you'll finally decide to stop answering doors during knock-knock jokes.
  • Cancer

    Cancer

    The stars, in their infinite wisdom, indicate that the cute blonde you've been pointing them out to couldn't be more bored if she tried.
  • Leo

    Leo

    You'll continue to grow as a human being this week, much to the relief of all those geneticists.
  • Virgo

    Virgo

    Home is where the heart is. Specifically, beneath the floorboards of the common room.
  • Libra

    Libra

    Every day on Earth is like a beautiful gift from God, which is thoughtful and all, but you'd probably prefer something you can actually use.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio

    Juggling three young children isn't easy for any mother, but then, that's why you start with tennis balls and bowling pins first.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius

    Nothing will be what it seems this week, especially breakfast sausages.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn

    Take heart: There are people with bigger problems than yours, and acting like you care about them will get you laid.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius

    You said you'd never forget all the little people who helped you along the way, but since becoming rich and famous you haven't thought about those midgets once.
  • Pisces

    Pisces

    Were it officially sanctioned, judged by an impartial panel, and taking place somewhere other than your kitchen late at night,† you'd pretty much shatter all existing hot dog eating records.
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