adBlockCheck

Entertainment

Patriotic Teen Fails Spanish

Jean Anne Whorton goes Beyond The Facts, talking to the high school sophomore who has become a conservative hero for refusing to learn his Spanish vocabulary.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:

‘Winnie-The-Pooh’ Turns 90

Winnie-The-Pooh, the A.A. Milne series featuring a stuffed bear and his toy animal friends, debuted 90 years ago this week. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s nearly century-long run:
End Of Section
  • More News

Your Horoscopes

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    The suit jacket and tie might make you look more professional, but at the end of the day, you're still not wearing any pants.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    Try as you might, you'll find yourself completely unable to escape this week's M.C. Escher Museum fire.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    While it's natural for human beings to be resistant to change, after losing your family, job, and home, it's probably time you start accepting some from passersby.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    What begins this week as a hilarious balls-copying prank will end minutes later with the discovery of a rather large testicular tumor.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    In many ways, you're still a child. None of them, however, will prevent you from being tried this week as an adult.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    For the third time this week, you'll be forced to open up that same old tupperware container of leftover whupass.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    A man is defined by the decisions he makes. Not listening to this piece of trite advice is probably a good start.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    Long, gray beards have for centuries been linked to wisdom and shrewdness. Sadly, you get yours caught in the fax machine far too often for that to be the case.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    When it comes to race relations, you're colorblind. Also when it comes to sofas, desk chairs, and traffic lights.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    Farm animals can often sense an earthquake seconds before it hits, which explains why they're all looking at you with that huge grin on their face.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    They say you can't judge a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes, but after 3,000 feet, you're beginning to suspect he'd like to have his sneakers back.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    After years of intense searching, you'll finally find yourself this week—naked, alone, and with a six foot gash across your forehead.

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close