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How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:

‘Winnie-The-Pooh’ Turns 90

Winnie-The-Pooh, the A.A. Milne series featuring a stuffed bear and his toy animal friends, debuted 90 years ago this week. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s nearly century-long run:
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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 10, 2017

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    What others think of you is a constant source of worry, so take heart in knowing that they rarely ever do.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    It might not be today, and it might not be tomorrow, but you’ll soon come to regret staging a pie-eating contest to choose a new nanny.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    You will inspire a new Zen riddle this week when a tree falls on top of you in the woods and there’s no one around to hear all the screaming.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    Love can make a person do all sorts of weird and crazy things, but in your case, it’ll mostly involve showering.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    Exposure to bursts of gamma radiation will soon leave you with the tumor-growing ability of 10 regular men.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    While being replaced by a machine is never easy, losing your job to a common office stapler will prove especially difficult to take.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    There won’t be a dry eye in the house. That’s how tear-jerkingly funny your wedding will be.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    Doctors will diagnose you with a new strain of tuberculosis this week, or “Poor Unsuspecting Bastard’s Disease” as it’ll come to be known.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    You will come face to face with your worst fears this week after standing in front of a bathroom mirror.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    Of all the plans you had for what you’d do with a million dollars, serving 12 years for grand larceny was probably last on your list.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    Admitting failure has never been your strong suit. Thankfully, this week’s stench will say more than mere words ever could.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    The stars predict the beginning of a lifelong romance this week, which just goes to show you how wrong the stars can sometimes be.

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