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Man With Strong Brand Loyalty Willing To Kill For Mazda

In a stern warning aimed at critics of Mazdas everywhere, area man Matthew Hunker, a longtime Mazda driver with two Mazdas in his garage at home, said Thursday his loyalty to the car manufacturer was so strong that he would be willing to kill in its name.

Most Anticipated Panels At Comic-Con

San Diego Comic-Con kicks off tomorrow, and this year’s schedule is packed with must-see events. Here are the most highly-anticipated panels of Comic-Con 2017.

Biggest Announcements From E3

Each June, E3, or The Electronic Entertainment Expo, hosts game developers showing off their latest products. Here are this year’s most exciting announcements:

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:
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Your Horoscopes — Week Of November 22, 2016

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    You’ll continue playing dress-up this week, despite being almost 30, and feeling kind of silly every time you put on that professional-looking suit.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    Remember: God means something different to everyone, but only you, and those who agree with you, are right.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    The presence of Saturn in your sign this week indicates strength, determination, and you getting repeatedly struck by a Model SL1 Series.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    The human mind is a thing of startling beauty. Unfortunately yours is mostly filled with old phone numbers and minor celebrity trivia.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    Nobody knows the troubles you’ve seen. Remind them of this fact at every possible opportunity.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    A tall, dark stranger stops by, lucky numbers 7 and 29 are in the studio, and musical guest Vampire Weekend—all that and much, much more, tonight on Later With Libra.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    They say that having a child changes anything, but what they really mean is “keeping a child.”
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    After weeks of setbacks, false-alarms, and outright obstructionism, Congress will finally pass a massive, 3.4 ounce kidney stone this Friday.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    More and more, you’re beginning to suspect your nickname might be pejorative.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    Any hope you once had of aging with grace and dignity will be dashed this week, when you turn 25.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    Ignorance and stupidity will soon be yours, when the Tree of Wisdom is cut down to make room for another mini-mall.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    Financial reward is most definitely in your future. Keep scooping out those “take-a-penny” trays at the truckstops along I-90.

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