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Most Anticipated Panels At Comic-Con

San Diego Comic-Con kicks off tomorrow, and this year’s schedule is packed with must-see events. Here are the most highly-anticipated panels of Comic-Con 2017.

Biggest Announcements From E3

Each June, E3, or The Electronic Entertainment Expo, hosts game developers showing off their latest products. Here are this year’s most exciting announcements:

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:
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Your Horoscopes — Week Of October 18, 2016

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    Your emotional stasis, lack of imagination, and inability to tell right from wrong will continue to be valuable assets in the world of high finance.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    Not that it’s really the Zodiac’s business, but most people take the dead goldfish out of the tank before adding new ones. The same goes for the drowned cats.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    A bizarre misunderstanding on your part will result in your going to church every Sunday and speaking sincerely to invisible entities with the belief that it might do you some sort of good.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    Your insistence that no one can possibly know how you feel right now will only point out how pathetic it is to be dumped by three bearded ladies in a row.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    The stars don’t think it would be fair to give you a new prediction until the one about finding happiness, love, or wealth comes true.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    Your new pheromone-based cologne will make you irresistible to women, who will devour you, bones, hair, and all.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    Personal growth looms large in your future as you are transformed into a 1,000-foot giant who blots out the sun.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    Your hatred of the strange and unfamiliar leads you to open hundreds of identical fast-food restaurants.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    It’ll be a nuisance wearing the Nielsen box on your head all week, but at least you’ll find out that your viewership goes up when you’re fighting or having sex.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    All things considered, it’s a good thing you aren’t in the prostitution business for the money.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    You’re getting to the point where you’d kill for a cigarette, despite never having smoked in your life.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    You’ll finally find the answer you’ve been searching for, moments after ruling out A., B., and multiple choice C.

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