adBlockCheck

Entertainment

What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
End Of Section
  • More News

Your Horoscopes — Week Of October 25, 2016

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    Nightingales are known for their sweet, often melodious song. However, the one outside your window seems way more interested in Dancehall Reggae.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    Remember: The sum of the pleasure of any two sides of a right-angle love triangle is equal to the underlying jealousy of the hypotenuse.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    Try not to hold onto any animosity you may feel toward your coworkers this week, as that asshole Dave would probably love it if you did.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    The doctors will soon treat you for an acute case of tuberculosis, but don’t be alarmed: They’re mostly just bored.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    Yes, love is a total mystery. Those semen stains, though, are probably a clue.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    Repeated incidents of drunken and disorderly conduct, public urination, and indecent exposure will completely ruin what was once a very charming little Funkytown.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    No man should be made to feel like a stranger in his own home. Even if that home no longer belongs to him, and he has sneak in through its basement window late at night.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    Speed-dating may not have worked for you in the past, but this time, try it without so much methamphetamine in your system.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    Sometimes you wish your kids had come with an instruction manual, but then, that’s the price you pay for getting them second-hand.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    You’ll be showered with dozens upon dozens of beautiful bouquets this Valentine’s Day, all carefully and lovingly arranged, around your tombstone.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    Disappointment will once again be yours this week when that female mongoose call turns out to be just another overweight human.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    You’ll find what you need in the sweet, innocent arms of a child, especially since what you need is fresh bone marrow.
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close