Your Horoscopes - Week Of April 5, 2011

Top Headlines


‘Winnie-The-Pooh’ Turns 90

Winnie-The-Pooh, the A.A. Milne series featuring a stuffed bear and his toy animal friends, debuted 90 years ago this week. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s nearly century-long run:

50 Years Of ‘Star Trek’

Star Trek, the science-fiction show about the crew of the starship Enterprise, premiered 50 years ago today on NBC, spawning a cult following and decades of spin-offs. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s 50-year history

How Big-Budget Movies Flop

Despite the recent box-office failures of Exodus, Ben-Hur, and Gods Of Egypt, studios continue to fund big-budget movies they hope will achieve blockbuster success. The Onion provides a step-by-step breakdown of how one of these movies becomes a flop:

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 30, 2016

ARIES: Sometimes in life, you just need to stop whatever it is you’re doing and take a step back. Actually, maybe it’s two steps back. Yeah, that’s good. Keep going. The stars will let you know when you’re far enough.

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 9, 2016

ARIES: Your life’s story will soon play out in front of movie theater audiences across the country, though it’ll only last about 30 seconds and advertise free soft drink refills in the main lobby.

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.
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Your Horoscopes - Week Of April 5, 2011

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    You'll have yet another disastrous first date when you get something stuck between your front teeth and a crosstown.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    The reality turns out to be okay, but when you heard the phrase "taco truck," you pictured a giant taco that was also a truck.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    While it's true that someone in Baltimore loves you, this is less a reason for a jaunty T-shirt than a cause for genuine concern.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    The stars hear your unasked question, and the answer you seek is: "If they keep losing their opener to the Pirates, way more than 103 years."
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    You'll be spared a potential source of great conflict and divisiveness in your life this week when it's born dead.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    Don't worry: There is nothing wrong with you that emergency brain surgery and a quadruple bypass within the next 90 minutes won't solve.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    Your lips are red and chapped because you keep licking them. To balance this out, lick yourself raw everywhere else.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    Next week will call for many, many pairs of leather pants, which would be fine with you if they didn't have to be the kind of pants with asses in them.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    You'll soon be feeling like your old self again thanks to a sudden and tragic relapse into alcoholism.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    The sudden spike in the salmon population is no surprise to anyone who knows the real reason you like swimming so much.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    A regular routine can provide much-needed structure, but you might be better off if you didn't start every day with a guy trying to saw your head off.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    It's probably best if you just put your head down and keep sharpening pencils for the next few years.


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