Your Horoscopes - Week Of April 6, 2010

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‘Winnie-The-Pooh’ Turns 90

Winnie-The-Pooh, the A.A. Milne series featuring a stuffed bear and his toy animal friends, debuted 90 years ago this week. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s nearly century-long run:

50 Years Of ‘Star Trek’

Star Trek, the science-fiction show about the crew of the starship Enterprise, premiered 50 years ago today on NBC, spawning a cult following and decades of spin-offs. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s 50-year history

How Big-Budget Movies Flop

Despite the recent box-office failures of Exodus, Ben-Hur, and Gods Of Egypt, studios continue to fund big-budget movies they hope will achieve blockbuster success. The Onion provides a step-by-step breakdown of how one of these movies becomes a flop:

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 30, 2016

ARIES: Sometimes in life, you just need to stop whatever it is you’re doing and take a step back. Actually, maybe it’s two steps back. Yeah, that’s good. Keep going. The stars will let you know when you’re far enough.

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 9, 2016

ARIES: Your life’s story will soon play out in front of movie theater audiences across the country, though it’ll only last about 30 seconds and advertise free soft drink refills in the main lobby.

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.
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Your Horoscopes - Week Of April 6, 2010

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    They say that God lives inside each and every one of us. Keep digging away until you find Him.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    Your fear and distrust of banks will result in you keeping all of your money, blood, and sperm beneath your mattress.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    It's not easy being a woman these days, what with you calling them up all the time and repeatedly begging for a second chance.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    Twins are often able to sense when the other is in danger, but you'll continue punching yours in the face long after he's dead.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    Skunks are known to spray whenever they feel cornered, though why you decided to approach them with your latest screenplay idea is anyone's guess.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    What you first believe to be identity theft will soon turn out to be just another self-righteous asshole with commitment issues.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    Never underestimate the power of suggestion. Neither this morning, nor later this afternoon, when you're busy washing the stars' truck.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    You'll find profound beauty in the hideous and the grotesque this week, you perverted freak.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    This week, take a deep breath, look straight into the mirror, and release Bloody Mary from her otherworldly imprisonment.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    The stars know this relationship isn't always easy, baby, but give it a chance. They promise you won't regret it.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    In nature, bright and iridescent colors are usually a warning sign to stay away, which explains why you're still single after all these years.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    Sometimes it's not so much what you say, but how you say it. Also, whether you're naked, high on methamphetamines, and standing in an abandoned parking lot at the time.


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