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Your Horoscopes - Week Of August 23, 2011

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Entertainment

50 Years Of ‘Star Trek’

Star Trek, the science-fiction show about the crew of the starship Enterprise, premiered 50 years ago today on NBC, spawning a cult following and decades of spin-offs. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s 50-year history

How Big-Budget Movies Flop

Despite the recent box-office failures of Exodus, Ben-Hur, and Gods Of Egypt, studios continue to fund big-budget movies they hope will achieve blockbuster success. The Onion provides a step-by-step breakdown of how one of these movies becomes a flop:

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 30, 2016

ARIES: Sometimes in life, you just need to stop whatever it is you’re doing and take a step back. Actually, maybe it’s two steps back. Yeah, that’s good. Keep going. The stars will let you know when you’re far enough.

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 9, 2016

ARIES: Your life’s story will soon play out in front of movie theater audiences across the country, though it’ll only last about 30 seconds and advertise free soft drink refills in the main lobby.

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.
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Your Horoscopes - Week Of August 23, 2011

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    Your dealings with the dark powers will be jeopardized when even they are a little freaked out by how eager you are to behead all those chickens.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    You will be transfixed by the realiztion that human lives are as unique as a snowflakes, and just as indistinguishable from one another when viewed from the proper distance.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    You'll soon grow dependent on drugs just to make it through the day, but unfortunately it's because of cancer and not anything fun or interesting like addiction.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    Your death next week will come as a complete surprise, but appropriately enough, not for the reasons you might expect.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    You always thought that when the giant robots began to arrive they'd be your friends, but hey, live and learn.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    You've always been afraid to try new things, which is fortunate, as a whole bunch of new things will go around killing people who try them this week.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    Your pessimism and negativity are usually misplaced, but they'll be perfectly appropriate when your elevator plunges into the flames Thursday.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    Sure enough, Al Green will take all your blues away trust like he always does, but the day is fast approaching when you'll find out where he's been taking them.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    Millions of dollars will slip through your fingers when you discover that people are willing to pay good money for fake dog feces and decide the real thing must be worth twice as much.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    While you might have been able to forgive her for walking out on you, your hatred of ska music is such that you'll never be able to forgive her for skanking out on you.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    You've given up tilting at windmills once and for all, pragmatically deciding to dispatch them with much more sensible grenades instead of that horseback-lance setup.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    Uncontrollable spasms will cause you to accidentally scrawl across many of your important meeting notes this week, proving conclusively that orgasms are simply not worth the trouble.

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