Your Horoscopes – Week Of August 27, 2013

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Vol 49 Issue 35

Tough Season - Preview

Tough Season returns with a gritty, hard-hitting look inside the fantasy football locker room of Brad’s Awesome Team.

The Case For And Against Intervening In Syria

While the Obama administration has been considering an armed intervention in Syria following the gassing deaths of hundreds of Syrian civilians, a vocal movement in Congress and among the general public has emerged in opposition of any U.S.

Courtroom Artist Clearly Infatuated With Bailiff

The Syria conflict intensifies as bears enter the war, a report shows that millions of courageous Americans are overcoming the media pressure to be thin, and the nation’s single men announce a plan to change their bedsheets by 2019.

50% Of Americans Oppose Intervention In Syria

According to an NBC poll, 50 percent of Americans oppose the use of military force against Syria in the wake of a purported chemical weapons attack by the government of Bashar al-Assad, compared to 42 percent who support military action.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Comfort

  • Child Visiting Ellis Island Sees Where Grandparents Once Toured

    ELLIS ISLAND, NY—Pausing to imagine the throngs of people who must have arrived with them that day back in 1994, 12-year-old Max Bertrand reportedly spent his visit to Ellis Island this afternoon walking around the same immigrant station his grandparents once toured.

Good Times

Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

Your Horoscopes – Week Of August 27, 2013

  • Aries

    Aries

    You'll continue playing dress-up this week, despite being almost 30, and feeling kind of silly every time you put on that professional-looking suit.
  • Taurus

    Taurus

    Remember: God means something different to everyone, but only you, and those who agree with you, are right.
  • Gemini

    Gemini

    The presence of Saturn in your sign this week indicates strength, determination, and you getting repeatedly struck by a Model SL1 Series.
  • Cancer

    Cancer

    The human mind is a thing of startling beauty. Unfortunately yours is mostly filled with old phone numbers and minor celebrity trivia.
  • Leo

    Leo

    Nobody knows the troubles you've seen. Remind them of this fact at every possible opportunity.
  • Virgo

    Virgo

    A tall, dark stranger stops by, lucky numbers 7 and 29 are in the studio, and musical guest Vampire Weekend—all that and much, much more, tonight on Later With Libra.
  • Libra

    Libra

    They say that having a child changes anything, but what they really mean is "keeping a child."
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio

    After weeks of setbacks, false-alarms, and outright obstructionism, Congress will finally pass a massive, 3.4 ounce kidney stone this Friday.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius

    More and more, you're beginning to suspect your nickname might be pejorative.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn

    Any hope you once had of aging with grace and dignity will be dashed this week, when you turn 25.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius

    Ignorance and stupidity will soon be yours, when the Tree of Wisdom is cut down to make room for another mini-mall.
  • Pisces

    Pisces

    Financial reward is most definitely in your future. Keep scooping out those “take-a-penny” trays at the truckstops along I-90.
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