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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 5, 2014

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    Venus, the Herald of Love, passes into your sign this week, but it's so creepy in there that She only takes about six minutes to get out again.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    Just keep telling yourself it's all going to be all right until you finally get it through your head once and for all that you can't trust anything you say.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    Although it's true you can successfully hide certain things in plain sight without anyone noticing, it turns out not to be true of a whole Girl Scout troop's worth of corpses.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    You tend to think of yourself as a big neurotic mess, but don't sell yourself short. You're also a big psychotic mess on top of it all.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    The stars don't believe they actually have to say this, but just because you find a recipe that makes pancakes for 1,500 people doesn't mean you actually have to make that many.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    You will die alone, unmourned, and unloved, but because you do it on live television, you'll still manage to be considered a success.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    Your problem, if you're honest with yourself, isn't that you love too much. It's that you make love to people's mailboxes too frequently.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    Don't worry: You're more than just a collection of annoying, loosely bundled neuroses. There are some tightly wound and dangerous psychoses in there, too.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    It's true that your heart is mature beyond your years, which is nice, except in the case of your rapidly aging mistrial and aortic valves.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    Someday in the future, humanity will have a healthy attitude toward sexuality, but until then, you have an idea that could make you incredibly rich.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    You are about to embark on a great journey across an infinite ocean of possibilities, unless of course the more cynical theories about the afterlife are correct.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    Your confusion over the exact meaning of the term "elope" will become apparent this week when parts of the bodies begin to turn up in the desert.
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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

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