Your Horoscopes – Week Of February 11, 2014

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Vol 50 Issue 06

Study: Half Of U.S. Adults Use Phones For Sexting

According to a recent study from the security software company McAfee, more than half of U.S. adults have used their cell phones to send or receive sexually suggestive content including videos, photos, emails, and text messages.

Facebook Adds More Than 50 New Gender Options

Facebook announced yesterday that it will no longer limit users’ choices to “male” or “female” when identifying gender, instead offering a new customizable option allowing them to choose from over 50 preset terms and pick the...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Your Horoscopes – Week Of February 11, 2014

  • Aries

    Aries

    You will soon embark on a long journey over water by night, which will be extremely romantic until you figure out how low the pilot is flying.
  • Taurus

    Taurus

    You will find work in a strange office in which everyone is happy, no one makes irritating small talk about reality TV, and the work is challenging and rewarding.
  • Gemini

    Gemini

    Your life will be cut tragically short next week by the untimely discovery that your breadmaker can also be used to make doughnuts.
  • Cancer

    Cancer

    Love flickers, love fades, and love can gutter and die, but love is still better than those fucking compact fluorescent bulbs.
  • Leo

    Leo

    You claim to be a champion of truth and beauty, but you still can't name three poems by Dean Young.
  • Virgo

    Virgo

    Future archaeologists will find your desiccated skeleton exactly where you starved, midway between two 64-ounce bags of Bugles.
  • Libra

    Libra

    You may be heartbroken, but you can no more stop him from leaving than you can stop the toaster from falling into your bathtub Thursday.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio

    It's time you learned to treat people as individuals instead of mathematically predictable members of an aggregate set, no matter how well that works.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius

    The men in lab coats will once more come for you one dark night this week, but it's just because they left one of their lab coats at your place last time.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn

    The stars had something important to tell you, but California's gay marriage ban was just overturned so they're going to get drunk and go dancing instead.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius

    They thought they had you pegged. They thought they could screw you over and you'd just take it lying down. They were wrong. You're thrashing about in ecstasy like a crazy person. It's a little freaky.
  • Pisces

    Pisces

    Your life will continue on pretty much the way it always has.
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