Your Horoscopes – Week Of February 12, 2013

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‘Winnie-The-Pooh’ Turns 90

Winnie-The-Pooh, the A.A. Milne series featuring a stuffed bear and his toy animal friends, debuted 90 years ago this week. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s nearly century-long run:

50 Years Of ‘Star Trek’

Star Trek, the science-fiction show about the crew of the starship Enterprise, premiered 50 years ago today on NBC, spawning a cult following and decades of spin-offs. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s 50-year history

How Big-Budget Movies Flop

Despite the recent box-office failures of Exodus, Ben-Hur, and Gods Of Egypt, studios continue to fund big-budget movies they hope will achieve blockbuster success. The Onion provides a step-by-step breakdown of how one of these movies becomes a flop:

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 30, 2016

ARIES: Sometimes in life, you just need to stop whatever it is you’re doing and take a step back. Actually, maybe it’s two steps back. Yeah, that’s good. Keep going. The stars will let you know when you’re far enough.

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 9, 2016

ARIES: Your life’s story will soon play out in front of movie theater audiences across the country, though it’ll only last about 30 seconds and advertise free soft drink refills in the main lobby.

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.
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Your Horoscopes – Week Of February 12, 2013

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    An out-of-body experience will soon leave you with a deeper understanding of just how much weight you should be trying to lose.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    You are about to find love in the most unlikely of places, or at least that's what the panting, neglected sociopath living in the abandoned textiles factory will call it.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    In times of crisis you've often looked to the stars for guidance, and this weekend will be no different, aside, of course, from your utter failure to identify which one of us is Polaris.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    You will soon learn that only by hastily skimming the errors of the past can we hope to mostly avoid repeating what we dimly remember them to be in the future.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    There are two sides to every story. Unfortunately, no respectable publisher is interested in putting out your account of D.H. Lawrence's ‘Sons And Lovers.’
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    Approaching police sirens combined with your naturally paranoid tendencies will significantly alter the stuffing of tonight's honeysuckle white turkey.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    They say you can't judge a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes, but after 3,000 feet, you're beginning to suspect he'd like to have his sneakers back.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    You will ignore the voice of reason once again this week, but that's largely because it's gone hoarse and grown nearly inaudible over the years.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    Disappointment will be yours this week when what you first believe to be the play's curtain call turns out to be just Act 1, Scene 2.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    Someday you'll inspire a whole new generation to pursue their dreams, secure in the knowledge that they couldn't possibly do any worse than you.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    You'll have a hard time putting what it is you don't like about your new neighbor into words, particularly after he slices through your larynx with a cheese grater.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    Remember: It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye—not an arm, half a right leg, a lower jaw, several organs, five pints of blood, and the complete control of his central nervous system.


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