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Your Horoscopes – Week Of February 18, 2014

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Entertainment

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 9, 2016

ARIES: Your life’s story will soon play out in front of movie theater audiences across the country, though it’ll only last about 30 seconds and advertise free soft drink refills in the main lobby.

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.
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Your Horoscopes – Week Of February 18, 2014

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    To be truly human is to never give up; however, to be truly human is also to know the meaning of sacrifice. It's some deep shit, really.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    Financial success continues to elude you as you have yet to determine the best way to advertise your enjoyable and affordable mustache rides.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    An error in last week's horoscope has probably resulted in you having a chance midnight encounter with a tall dark strangler. The stars regret any inconvenience.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    Will you have the inner strength to deny a love that is no good for you? Do you have the courage to retry a project you've failed at before? Find out in next week's !
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    When all's been said and all's been done and you finally look back on the entirety of your life, it will be about three PM next Wednesday.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    Although it's true that the only tool you have is a hammer, everything you see looks a lot more like a sort of medium-sized box than a nail.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    You've never been able to explain why, but you have a sneaking suspicion that the narrator of 10cc's 1975 hit "I'm Not In Love" was in fact in love.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    You'll manage to get through the entire Helen Keller presentation with no hilarious slip-ups, but afterwards you're complimented by a guy with no arms and no legs who likes to waterski.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    Sometimes you miss your days as part of a plucky band of mystery-solving teens, but hey, survivor guilt is like that.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    In a complete reversal of conventional wisdom, you'll find that you do in fact have to be crazy to work at your job, and that no, it doesn't help.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    No one knows what mysteries lie deep in the human heart, but you figure they're just not rinsing it enough or using a bright enough flashlight.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    You've always been a never-say-die type of person. Luckily, your impending death will be so obvious that words will be unnecessary.

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