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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.
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Your Horoscopes – Week Of February 19, 2013

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    There are a million reasons you shouldn't give up hope of ever finding love. None of them, however, are any good.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    Forces are being set in motion that will forever change the way you look at microwaveable Mexican dinners.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    Your excitement over the new arrival in your life is shattered when it is born with antlers.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    The men from the government will exercise a surprising amount of patience while explaining to you that income taxes are not determined by essay.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    The Hands of Fate will intervene several times next week, knocking you into puddles for their own amusement.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    Your extremely trying week will not be improved by your decision to deal with all problems by leaning on the horn.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    You will successfully foil a secret plot to infiltrate your house and surprise you with birthday gifts, cake, and good wishes.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    Your upcoming appearance on a popular wildlife show will provide a cautionary example to whale-watchers for years to come.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    You will soon learn the hard way that "motherly love" means different things to different mothers.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    The paramedics will find it much easier to load you into the ambulance if they remember to bring a few buckets along.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    Your hatred of the strange and unfamiliar leads you to open hundreds of identical fast-food restaurants.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    The stars thank you for your interest, but you do not fit their needs at this time. Good luck in future endeavors.
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