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Your Horoscopes — Week Of February 4, 2014

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Entertainment

50 Years Of ‘Star Trek’

Star Trek, the science-fiction show about the crew of the starship Enterprise, premiered 50 years ago today on NBC, spawning a cult following and decades of spin-offs. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s 50-year history

How Big-Budget Movies Flop

Despite the recent box-office failures of Exodus, Ben-Hur, and Gods Of Egypt, studios continue to fund big-budget movies they hope will achieve blockbuster success. The Onion provides a step-by-step breakdown of how one of these movies becomes a flop:

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 30, 2016

ARIES: Sometimes in life, you just need to stop whatever it is you’re doing and take a step back. Actually, maybe it’s two steps back. Yeah, that’s good. Keep going. The stars will let you know when you’re far enough.

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 9, 2016

ARIES: Your life’s story will soon play out in front of movie theater audiences across the country, though it’ll only last about 30 seconds and advertise free soft drink refills in the main lobby.

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.
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Your Horoscopes — Week Of February 4, 2014

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    Your belief that all life's problems can be solved with a heart-to-heart talk and a good night's sleep will be severely tested this week when you're introduced to mathematics.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    This is a good week to start new projects, as long as they don't take more than four days and won't depress the people who find your body.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    This week you'll show everyone that you can be stunningly sexy at 50, which is deeply troubling as you were 27 last week.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    You'll finally make an effort to remove your mental blinders, leaving the coroner to wonder why exactly you took the cordless drill to your temples.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    When all's said and done, you should probably have just let those pandas succeed or fail on their own merits.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    You'll finally come to understand your own heart and mind, and by extension, exactly what everyone has been laughing at all these years.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    While it's true that life often imitates art, it's odd that your life imitates J.G. Ballards' avant-garde fiction piece "The Assassination Of JFK Considered As A Downhill Motor Race."
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    The stars foresee a lesson in humility this week when you try telling everyone about the "hot new band" Animal Collective, which the stars have been listening to for like forever.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    You thought you had finally had done something strikingly new and original, but it turns out that thousands of people already in the afterlife got there the exact same way you did.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    It's really too bad you couldn't have been defenestrated years ago when it was cool before everybody started using the word.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    Although you're beginning to despair, it's important to square your shoulders, set your jaw, take a deep breath, and try to hit the toilet with everything this time.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    You will definitely be remembered by all people for all time, a fact that should make you feel much more shame and disappointment than it may seem.

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