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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Your Horoscopes - Week Of February 7, 2012

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    The universe, in all its wisdom, has a plan for everyone. Strangely, you're supposed to be the nun who holds up a distributor cap and winks while the Nazis try to start their car.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    That person you've been seeing will finally introduce you to her friends, so it's a good thing you have an appreciation for taxidermy.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    You might not always appreciate the story God is using you to tell, but you have to admit He isn't afraid to kill off major characters.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    This would be a good time to start a new dietary regimen, seeing as you haven't eaten in three days.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    Sometimes the people in your life are holding you back, despite the best of intentions. Try to be patient as you inexorably drag your struggling co-workers toward the edge of the roof.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    You'll become a household name when society is suddenly in need of a term for "someone who gets hit by a bus once a week."
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    They say if you teach a man to fish he'll eat for a lifetime, but they also say that to become a master you must defeat your teacher, so ask yourself if you want that hanging over your head before giving any fishing lessons.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    You must grasp that actions have consequences. Start by not throwing broken glass over your head and forgetting all about it.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    Take heart—old solutions can still work for old problems, especially if getting drunk is your solution to everything.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    You'll soon move to a faraway city where nobody knows who you are, which makes it kind of odd that they're all trying to kill you too.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    People can say whatever you want, but you'll remain firm in your belief that Archie is actually the greatest Manning of all.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    A semitruck full of dimes will hurtle down your street and crash into your house, leaving you with no dreams left to achieve in life.
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