Your Horoscopes – Week Of January 23, 2013

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‘Winnie-The-Pooh’ Turns 90

Winnie-The-Pooh, the A.A. Milne series featuring a stuffed bear and his toy animal friends, debuted 90 years ago this week. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s nearly century-long run:

50 Years Of ‘Star Trek’

Star Trek, the science-fiction show about the crew of the starship Enterprise, premiered 50 years ago today on NBC, spawning a cult following and decades of spin-offs. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s 50-year history

How Big-Budget Movies Flop

Despite the recent box-office failures of Exodus, Ben-Hur, and Gods Of Egypt, studios continue to fund big-budget movies they hope will achieve blockbuster success. The Onion provides a step-by-step breakdown of how one of these movies becomes a flop:

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 30, 2016

ARIES: Sometimes in life, you just need to stop whatever it is you’re doing and take a step back. Actually, maybe it’s two steps back. Yeah, that’s good. Keep going. The stars will let you know when you’re far enough.

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 9, 2016

ARIES: Your life’s story will soon play out in front of movie theater audiences across the country, though it’ll only last about 30 seconds and advertise free soft drink refills in the main lobby.

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.
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Your Horoscopes – Week Of January 23, 2013

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    You're finally entering the period of life in which the things that you want to do greatly outnumber the things that you will eventually do.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    The way to respond to a stupid question is to pretend not to hear it, which is why your friends all seem to have hearing problems.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    An elite squad of international assassins will target you in an effort to make sure that the secrets behind your famous chili stay secret.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    Everyone has one of those uncles who knows how to use a rifle, add a deck to the house, and catch a trout—everyone, that is, except for your nephew.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    After everyone has spoken, there will be an awkward, 90-second silence, at which point people will agree that you've been eulogized enough.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    The debate on whether we have a shame or a guilt-based society is complicated when, due to some odd circumstances, you kill a man by shitting your pants.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    Once again, you'll be surprised by how many of your troubles can be traced back to that smelly old couch.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    Though it's noble that you became an accounts adjusted to make the world a better place, it remains unclear exactly how that's going to happen.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    Keep in mind that it's important to set goals so you feel appropriately pathetic when you fail to achieve them.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    Heartbreak is in the stars for you this week when the woman of your dreams confesses she cannot love a man with such an unholy appetite for pie.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    You've had your picture in the paper before, but never in connection with a catastrophic bridge collapse.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    Remember, it's not how hard you beat the goat, but whether the goat you're beating is on fire.


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