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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 28, 2013

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Entertainment

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 9, 2016

ARIES: Your life’s story will soon play out in front of movie theater audiences across the country, though it’ll only last about 30 seconds and advertise free soft drink refills in the main lobby.

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.
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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 28, 2013

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    Just when it seems that all hope is gone, you'll discover a deep untapped reservoir of hope deep within you which will soon be gone too.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    You've always wanted to yell "Stop the presses," but when it looks like you'll finally get an opportunity to do so, they'll feed you in head first.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    Readers across the nation will finally be exposed to your literary genius and scintillating wordplay now that the DOT has approved your custom license plate.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    You will make medical history this week as the first person to recover from smallpox only to die from a never-before-seen strain of enormouspox.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    You'll learn too late that love and deception often go hand in hand when the eloquent stranger sending you love letters turns out not to be the real Sarah Vowell.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    The flame of true love will finally gutter and die in your soul, but take heart: the flame of too many video game systems plugged into a single outlet is burning bright in your den.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    You'll be unable to think of anything sadder than the sight of the hooks which once held her picture, but there's absolutely nothing else in the room to stare at for hours on end.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    When you were a child, you spoke as a child, you understood as a child, and you thought as a child; so no real changes, then.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    Your lifelong search for your soul mate will comes to an end at last when you discover it was Robert Kearns, inventor of the intermittent windshield wiper, who died in 2005.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    You'll do your part for the environment this week when you recycle what's left of the nurses into furniture, decorative items, and innovative storage solutions.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    Just when you think all subtle beauty has finally faded from the world, you'll remember "So Into You" by the Atlanta Rhythm Section.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    Love may mean different things to different people, but it's surprising how many definitions include heavy investment in real estate.

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