Your Horoscopes - Week Of January 3, 2012

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Vol 48 Issue 01

Called It!

CBS 10 p.m. EST/9 p.m. CST Chad and Kristen hook up just like you knew they would, while the storyline you predicted two weeks ago about Paige being the one who spread the rumor of Raven being pregnant is revealed.

All Of Area Man's Hard Work Finally Pays Off For Employer

SAN DIEGO—Following seven straight years of long hours at the office and sacrificed weekends and holidays, all of account manager Sam Hemstead's hard work and single-minded devotion to Pinnacle Automotive Insurance has finally paid off for CEO Charl...

Origin Story

Spike 8 p.m. EST/7 p.m. CST How Eli Wallach became the Flash.
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TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Pop Culture

Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

Business

Your Horoscopes - Week Of January 3, 2012

  • Aries

    Aries

    To improve your spiritual health, avoid the myriad temptations of the flesh. This is most easily accomplished by repeating the word "flesh" over and over until it creeps you out.
  • Taurus

    Taurus

    Most accidents occur at home, so stay safe this week by living on the streets of a distant city.
  • Gemini

    Gemini

    You've always been afraid no one will notice when you die, but take comfort: The swarm of killer bees will be very much aware of what's happening.
  • Cancer

    Cancer

    There is little that can truly mend a broken heart besides time. Sadly, you only have about three weeks to learn to love and be loved again.
  • Leo

    Leo

    You'll learn a lot about yourself this week, but despite that, you'll still struggle to figure out exactly what you're supposed to eat.
  • Virgo

    Virgo

    The stars see many things ahead for you, which is exactly the kind of vague and value-neutral statement they've spent the long eons of their existence perfecting.
  • Libra

    Libra

    Saturn and Mars rising in your sign foretell a deadly combination of conflict and the search for knowledge. To avoid sudden murder, try not to read any predictions about your future this week.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio

    The circumstances of your life will combine in such a way as to grant you possession of a great many lemons. However, all the advice you receive regarding their purpose will be useless and trite.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius

    The resources and knowledge of human civilization will once again be marshaled and brought to bear for the purpose of telling you what everyone's cat is doing.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn

    One of the most magical sounds in the world is the laughter of children on Christmas morning, but it's kind of jarring when directed at you as the flames consume your body.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius

    The stars would love to tell you what's ahead for you this week, but they've decided they'd rather wait and see the look on your face when it all happens.
  • Pisces

    Pisces

    Nothing will be able to prepare you for the sense of dread and fear you'll experience when you suddenly realize your life has meaning and purpose again.
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