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Biggest Announcements From E3

Each June, E3, or The Electronic Entertainment Expo, hosts game developers showing off their latest products. Here are this year’s most exciting announcements:

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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Your Horoscopes - Week Of July 10, 2012

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    While it's true you'll never really understand, accept, or tolerate homosexuality, it's admirable that it hasn't stopped you from having sex with people of your gender.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    The places in the sand where your footprints disappear and only the marks of unspeakably malevolent tentacles can be seen are the part where Cthulhu carried you.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    You've really tried, honestly you have, but you just can't drum up the enthusiasm for people to pay you for the things society expects from you.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    As far as you're concerned, there are only two types of people in the world, and it's always bothered you that you can't figure out what they are.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    It's nice that you're trying to become closer to your coworkers, but really, by now you should have noticed they're trying to edge away as politely as possible.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    It's a lucky day for you when, instead of making you a better person and serving the greater good, your personal and political beliefs fall neatly in line with you getting everything you want.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    There's an old saying about cows and getting free milk that applies to your situation, at least if you think of the saying as pertaining to having sex with cows.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    You will undergo a profound personal and spiritual change this week, but no one around you will notice since it doesn't make you put on pants anymore often.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    You're not the most curious person in the world, but this week will see you take a profound interest in the exact meaning of all those red lights on the machines you're hooked up to.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    Your plan to dig an escape tunnel over the next three years using only a spoon stolen from the cafeteria will utterly dumbfound everyone else at the office.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    When all's said and done, some people will actually admire the way you stand your ground and don’t let the escaped zoo elephant just push you around.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    The stars actually indicate a lot less than you think they do, but go ahead and make big changes in the workplace if that's what you got out of it all.

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