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Your Horoscopes - Week Of July 12, 2011 

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Entertainment

50 Years Of ‘Star Trek’

Star Trek, the science-fiction show about the crew of the starship Enterprise, premiered 50 years ago today on NBC, spawning a cult following and decades of spin-offs. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s 50-year history

How Big-Budget Movies Flop

Despite the recent box-office failures of Exodus, Ben-Hur, and Gods Of Egypt, studios continue to fund big-budget movies they hope will achieve blockbuster success. The Onion provides a step-by-step breakdown of how one of these movies becomes a flop:

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 30, 2016

ARIES: Sometimes in life, you just need to stop whatever it is you’re doing and take a step back. Actually, maybe it’s two steps back. Yeah, that’s good. Keep going. The stars will let you know when you’re far enough.

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 9, 2016

ARIES: Your life’s story will soon play out in front of movie theater audiences across the country, though it’ll only last about 30 seconds and advertise free soft drink refills in the main lobby.

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.
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Your Horoscopes - Week Of July 12, 2011 

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    You're sick and tired of being treated like a child, except for the sexy parts where they change your dirty, filthy diapers.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    Remember: If you give in to the impulses to do whatever you want with your life, you'll become one of those happy, satisfied people you resent so much.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    You may treasure the sense of mystery you have about the future, but really, learning the days of the week won't ruin the magic.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    Travel and adventure are in your future this week as your captors continue crossing state lines to stay one step ahead of the law.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    You'll wake up naked in a hotel bed between the corpses of a prostitute and a district attorney and have no memory of what happened, but presumably it's the same situation as last time.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    You'll soon experience redoubled energy, a renewed sense of purpose, and a profound rush of confidence, proving once again that cocaine cannot be trusted.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    Your sneaking feeling that people are out to get you just shows how delusional you are, as you should know damn good and well that they're out to get you.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    They say lightning never strikes twice, which doesn't explain what's been happening to you at three o'clock every Wednesday for the past three months.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    You always dreamed of being a human cannonball, but you had no idea that advances in artillery technology would limit your career to a very small number of appearances.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    They'll say what you did to all those nurses was unspeakable and ugly, but you know in your heart they're all really just jealous.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    You may have great quantities of bravado, élan, and puissance, but there's no way to be sure until you find out what those words mean.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    The stars foresee many amazing things ahead of you this week, but really, they're too good to just tell you about in advance.

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