Your Horoscopes - Week Of July 19, 2011

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‘Winnie-The-Pooh’ Turns 90

Winnie-The-Pooh, the A.A. Milne series featuring a stuffed bear and his toy animal friends, debuted 90 years ago this week. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s nearly century-long run:

50 Years Of ‘Star Trek’

Star Trek, the science-fiction show about the crew of the starship Enterprise, premiered 50 years ago today on NBC, spawning a cult following and decades of spin-offs. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s 50-year history

How Big-Budget Movies Flop

Despite the recent box-office failures of Exodus, Ben-Hur, and Gods Of Egypt, studios continue to fund big-budget movies they hope will achieve blockbuster success. The Onion provides a step-by-step breakdown of how one of these movies becomes a flop:

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 30, 2016

ARIES: Sometimes in life, you just need to stop whatever it is you’re doing and take a step back. Actually, maybe it’s two steps back. Yeah, that’s good. Keep going. The stars will let you know when you’re far enough.

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 9, 2016

ARIES: Your life’s story will soon play out in front of movie theater audiences across the country, though it’ll only last about 30 seconds and advertise free soft drink refills in the main lobby.

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.
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Your Horoscopes - Week Of July 19, 2011

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    While innovative, your plans for a solar-panel-powered sex machine will fall victim to a wave of scorn and derision.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    It may be time to get help for your fear of public speaking now that it's tragically prevented you from yelling "Look out!" to yet another group of innocent bystanders.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    Somehow, exclaiming "Someone in this very room is the mur≠derer!" lacks dramatic weight when everyone just saw you beat a guy to death with a tire iron.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    It's not as if you have an insatiable thirst for blood. You're just insatiably thirsty and blood happens to be what's around.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    You'll meet your own mortality face-to-face this week and be completely disarmed by his boyish smile, nice suit, and career as an environmental lawyer.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    You'll be frustrated and mortified when it turns out there's no such thing as a professional snipe hunter, but the pay's good and you get to work a four-day week.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    You'll be faced with the choice of either investing in apartment insurance or getting rid of your cat and her thus far undetected fascination with candles.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    The idea that nothing can offend you anymore is shattered when you find out what atrocities George Lucas has in store for the 35th anniversary of Star Wars.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    You said you'd retire after one last job, and 40 years after accepting a minor actuarial position with Amalgamated Loan and Trust, you're honoring your word.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    Constantly seeking approval is unhealthy, but you should still consider the opinions of those nice folks from the Secret Service.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    The verb "tear" is somewhat misleading here, but certain people and circumstances in your life will in fact combine to give you a new asshole.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    You thought you were over her, but the memories keep flooding back as the scars heal and your brain tissue repairs itself.


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