Your Horoscopes — Week Of July 22, 2014

Top Headlines


‘Winnie-The-Pooh’ Turns 90

Winnie-The-Pooh, the A.A. Milne series featuring a stuffed bear and his toy animal friends, debuted 90 years ago this week. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s nearly century-long run:

50 Years Of ‘Star Trek’

Star Trek, the science-fiction show about the crew of the starship Enterprise, premiered 50 years ago today on NBC, spawning a cult following and decades of spin-offs. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s 50-year history

How Big-Budget Movies Flop

Despite the recent box-office failures of Exodus, Ben-Hur, and Gods Of Egypt, studios continue to fund big-budget movies they hope will achieve blockbuster success. The Onion provides a step-by-step breakdown of how one of these movies becomes a flop:

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 30, 2016

ARIES: Sometimes in life, you just need to stop whatever it is you’re doing and take a step back. Actually, maybe it’s two steps back. Yeah, that’s good. Keep going. The stars will let you know when you’re far enough.

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 9, 2016

ARIES: Your life’s story will soon play out in front of movie theater audiences across the country, though it’ll only last about 30 seconds and advertise free soft drink refills in the main lobby.

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.
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Your Horoscopes — Week Of July 22, 2014

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    You try to be an accepting person, but you still don’t see why some people can’t be a nice, normal gender instead of women.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    Turns out that while dogs can’t actually smell fear, they’re really good at smelling who likes to carry bacon around in their pockets.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    When you think about it, there’s really only one way to quit your job at the refinery in a way they’ll remember for hundreds of years.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    All celestial signs point to you suddenly coming into possession of a great deal of twisted aircraft-grade aluminum, charred wiring, and burning jet fuel, but it’s not what you think.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    You, your couch, and your TV will be whisked away to a remote island by a wealthy sportsman who has waited all his life to hunt the Least Dangerous Game.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    Once again, you’ll be saved from boredom by the fact that matches are often given away for free in establishments that sell alcohol.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    It’s not wearing a white dress to your third wedding that people will find odd. It’s the blood of your two previous husbands on the veil and train.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    Truth be told, you haven’t been a very good father, but it’s not your fault that the mothers of your children haven’t informed you of their existence.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    You’ll receive a recorded message from your future self in which you appear extremely insistent that an unspecified person be thanked for a waffle recipe.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    A journey of self-improvement ends almost before it starts when you find out there’s a kind of waffle stuffed with cheese and booze.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    Your coworkers seem to be hinting that they wouldn’t mind if you got rid of that beard, but you’ve been married to her for almost 10 years now.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    Pluto rising in your sign this week indicates vast trouble ahead, as you really shouldn’t be able to see it with the naked eye like that.


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