Your Horoscopes - Week Of June 5, 2011

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‘Winnie-The-Pooh’ Turns 90

Winnie-The-Pooh, the A.A. Milne series featuring a stuffed bear and his toy animal friends, debuted 90 years ago this week. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s nearly century-long run:

50 Years Of ‘Star Trek’

Star Trek, the science-fiction show about the crew of the starship Enterprise, premiered 50 years ago today on NBC, spawning a cult following and decades of spin-offs. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s 50-year history

How Big-Budget Movies Flop

Despite the recent box-office failures of Exodus, Ben-Hur, and Gods Of Egypt, studios continue to fund big-budget movies they hope will achieve blockbuster success. The Onion provides a step-by-step breakdown of how one of these movies becomes a flop:

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 30, 2016

ARIES: Sometimes in life, you just need to stop whatever it is you’re doing and take a step back. Actually, maybe it’s two steps back. Yeah, that’s good. Keep going. The stars will let you know when you’re far enough.

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 9, 2016

ARIES: Your life’s story will soon play out in front of movie theater audiences across the country, though it’ll only last about 30 seconds and advertise free soft drink refills in the main lobby.

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.
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Your Horoscopes - Week Of June 5, 2011

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    You'll show the world just how good an infant car seat can be once you cast aside petty concerns like cost and safety.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    It's not true that opening the dictionary to "loser" shows your picture, but for some reason they're still using it for "anteater," "caisson," and "dumbass."
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    Sadly, it turns out that of all the people you've ever known, the only one who has your best interests at heart is comedian Katt Williams.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    For some reason, all your plans for life boil down to "In the confusion, we get away with both the money and the girl."
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    We don't get to choose the person we fall in love with, as is obvious from the human pile of garbage you'll be following around with roses and candy this week.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    They say if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything, which is good enough for people who aren't going to have their legs taken off by a road grader this week.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    Now that you take a closer look at what's on display, you can tell exactly why the emperor has no clothes. I mean, Jesus Christ.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    You'll be ruled unfit for trial, but they seem to think you're just fine for sentencing and execution.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    You said you'd retired, but $45 and a free bag of groceries isn't something a person can just walk away from.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    You have to stop worrying about what everyone else says, especially nonsense like "You should dress better," "Nice people don't do that," and "Put down the gun and release the hostages."
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    You've always thought of yourself as the ultimate cat person, but you'll change your mind this week after meeting the 7 feet of man and whiskers that is Big Meow Johnson.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    You will soon make a comfortable living exploiting other people's deep-seated anxieties and crippling fears.


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