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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Your Horoscopes — Week Of March 11, 2014

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    Remember, it's never too late to fall in love. It's just too late to fall in the kind of love that isn't a complete compromise based on a fear of dying alone.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    You'll become the sworn enemy of men's-magazine readers nationwide when you publicly state that Bullit wasn't really a very good movie.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    You'll stumble onto a great little trattoria with excellent food and a great wine list, but what you'll really need is a well-equipped burn ward.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    You'll be plunged into a pit of depression by the thought that Stevie Wonder will probably not live forever.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    Raise your voice in anger and rail against the Gods all you want, but they only have it in blue and not in your size.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    Your love life will hum along like a well-oiled machine, thanks largely to a new formulation of oil and a clever little Swedish machine.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    In The Hall Of The Mountain King is a strange choice for a first dance between husband and wife, but the walrus trainer insists.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    You've never been the type to believe in love at first sight, or anything else even slightly romantic, for that matter.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    You'll start to wonder if people aren't getting a little too political after you're blasted in the media for being soft on education and the economy.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    You have to stop worrying about what people think of you, especially since it's so complicated you probably wouldn't be able to understand it.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    They say a fool and his money are soon parted, but you still have that ten bucks you found on the sidewalk the other day.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    Your ex will finally stop by to get all his stuff, which is weird because you didn't know anyone saw you take it.
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