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How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:

‘Winnie-The-Pooh’ Turns 90

Winnie-The-Pooh, the A.A. Milne series featuring a stuffed bear and his toy animal friends, debuted 90 years ago this week. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s nearly century-long run:

50 Years Of ‘Star Trek’

Star Trek, the science-fiction show about the crew of the starship Enterprise, premiered 50 years ago today on NBC, spawning a cult following and decades of spin-offs. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s 50-year history

How Big-Budget Movies Flop

Despite the recent box-office failures of Exodus, Ben-Hur, and Gods Of Egypt, studios continue to fund big-budget movies they hope will achieve blockbuster success. The Onion provides a step-by-step breakdown of how one of these movies becomes a flop:

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 30, 2016

ARIES: Sometimes in life, you just need to stop whatever it is you’re doing and take a step back. Actually, maybe it’s two steps back. Yeah, that’s good. Keep going. The stars will let you know when you’re far enough.

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 9, 2016

ARIES: Your life’s story will soon play out in front of movie theater audiences across the country, though it’ll only last about 30 seconds and advertise free soft drink refills in the main lobby.

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.

Lost Jack London Manuscript, ‘The Doggy,’ Found

RYE, NY—Workers inventorying the estate of a recently deceased Westchester County art dealer earlier this month reportedly stumbled upon a draft of a previously unknown Jack London novel titled The Doggy, and the work is already being hailed by many within the literary world as a masterpiece.

Guide To The Characters Of ‘The Force Awakens’

The highly anticipated seventh episode in the ‘Star Wars’ series, ‘The Force Awakens,’ which will be released December 18, will feature several returning characters as well as a host of new ones. Here is a guide to the characters of ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens.’

Robert De Niro Stunned To Learn Of Man Who Can Quote ‘Goodfellas’

‘Bring Him To Me,’ Actor Demands

NEW YORK—Immediately halting production on his latest project after hearing of the incredible talent, legendary actor Robert De Niro was reportedly stunned to learn Wednesday that Bayonne, NJ resident Eric Sullivan, 33, can quote the critically acclaimed 1990 Martin Scorsese film Goodfellas at length.

Timeline Of The James Bond Series

This week marks the release of the 24th film in the James Bond franchise, Spectre, featuring Daniel Craig in his fourth appearance as the British secret agent. Here are some notable moments from the film series’s 53-year history
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Entertainment

Your Horoscopes - Week Of March 13, 2012

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    Not only will romance, adventure, and thrills refuse to come to you, they will also refuse to come to theaters near you.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    Everyone must eventually choose between what they really must do and what they merely want to do. In your case, this will mean choosing between eating pancakes and eating the World's Largest Pancake.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    When the investigators come to sift through the twisted, disgusting wreckage, they'll be amazed that your fat ass could do so much damage by simply "sitting around the house."
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    As it turns out, it's far less fun than you might think when all the simplistic philosophy espoused by your favorite novelty T-shirts becomes relevant this week.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    Balloon animals, unicycles, chimpanzees, and blood will figure prominently in your future after you run afoul of an assassin who specializes in making his kills look like especially hilarious accidents.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    You'll nearly go deaf from the dozens of commercial flights circling your house before finally working up the humility to apologize to the all the air traffic controllers you've insulted.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    You'll successfully tap into the profitable intersection of hygiene and self-hatred, becoming quite wealthy from sales of your innovative scrape-on deodorant.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    The universe, in its unknowable ancient wisdom, has a plan for everyone. For now, however, it's probably best that you just keep sitting there eating things.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    You'll be paralyzed with doubt and indecision next week as you try to determine exactly when it's okay to wear brown wing tips.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    Sometimes the world ignores accomplishment and you just have to reward yourself for everything you’ve done. In simpler terms, please go throw yourself down a few flights of stairs.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    You thought you'd seen it all and nothing could surprise you anymore, but it's still amazing how few people can simply walk up to a counter and order a cup of coffee.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    The stars aren't sure if you've lost weight or done something to your hair or what, but whatever it is, you're looking good. Also, do you happen to have 50 bucks they could borrow until Friday?

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